Thanks God I found You.

Thanks God I found you.

Last Sunday I had encountered a new thing in my life - the doctor said I got gastric.

Speechless and shock. I thought gastric is just about stomach ache. I had totally no idea that my headache, nauseous feeling and so on is all coming from that one issue.

I need to be rested, yet I got plenty of work need to be done. The previous week I had already pulun my job, working 5days which feels like 5months, and I need to continue doing that, at least until the end of this week. Because I have a Japanese supporter coming here to guide me and work together with me for this two weeks. So, I need to be fit and on my optimized mode. Who had ever thought that I would lost my biggest tip - I lost my appetite. Unable to eat even felt so hungry. Put in a bit of force, end up I vomitted them out. I was no more energetic as before. One day felt so long so un-end-able. Though, I survived till the day five since I met the doctor.

And today, I nearly loss another something big tip of mine - my precious.

Thanks God I've found you. Why did you slip away suddenly?

You getting bigger suddenly, or my finger getting skinnier this recently?

Indeed, people keep saying the second option more.

*sigh*

counting days 2 - i love my lab.

i'm missing the kenkyushitsu life already.

even compared to other laboratories, or other departments, ours can be said as spending the least time in lab, but still, there are times when we're all together staying up late till pass the midnight, running for the deadline and so on.

it was so much fun, and i'm pretty sure, i'm gonna miss them a lot.

after a while since the summer vacation, this is the first time for all of 7 of us were in the lab. our first zentai zemi was around the corner back then, so all of us were kinda nervous and dun really know how to do the presentation and so on.

and that was when we're coming closer to each other. well, since we're doing our final year project on our own, i mean, the experiments, the themes, all are different, so we dun have that much opportunities to talk to each other.

because we are the production system laboratory which almost 90 percents of the idea is about the best profit generated from the minimum time period with the maximum usage of workforce, so, this is what we do when we were given the task to submit 60 copies of our presentation abstracts by combining all 7 of ours into booklet type. kerjasama membawa berkat lah katakan.

our mid term presentation. our lab was the last to present, which was around 4 to 5 o'clock in the evening. so, instead of being nervous, we're all more to become exhausted of waiting.

ahah! same things were done for the final presentation. see, dat tallest guy. i'm always telling my friends that he's sumwhat similar with the big bang's TOP. i know TOP is wayyyyyyyy handsome-er, kakkoi-er, and er er er, but, i just wanna say that their voice type is similar - man deep voice, then, their behavior, i mean from what i see lah, then, their size of course. haha!

not to mention, their eyes ;p

done submitting our abstracts for the final presentation. see, we did everything in jemaah! even one person is enough for submitting those booklets, but we prefer to do it together, and that is why i really love them.

my lab members. spotted that awet muda bapak of mine in the front. phew, genki de ne otousan. 1nenkan hontouni hontouni osewa ni natte orimasu. ima no genjiten dewa hontouwa mada mada owattenainn desuga, tonikaku saki ni yutttoku wa, arigatai kimochi wo tsutaetai.

and also, those 3 kakang-kakang gue, makasih ya bapak bapak sekalian. iAllah panjang usia, kita ketemu lagi ya. saya menunggu bapak2 ke Malaysia, iA i'd give u all my warm welcome.

me and tasshi. everyone know that we're both workaholic (i can't really comment on this), and we spend much of our time together in the lab. even since my first year here, i already know that me and tasshi can really get together well, because there are some certain things similar within us. when it comes to study, we talk the same words. we compete in silence but we both know that we're competing each other. when we talk about future things, our ideas and our imaginations match really well. she's gonna walk the way i'd walk, i'm gonna take the path she'd take. i like her, she is really one of a kind.

eyh, but i do love my other friends too. hehehe, minna, daisuki dayo!

dandan samishikunattekita ne. 

i went to lab today, to edit my thesis and see my sensei, but only tasshi there. she came to print something. and then, there're only two of us, from seven of undergrad students. we both talked about the pertemuan and perpisahan. haih.. how time flies..

i'm gonna end the entry just like this. because i'm getting sadder and sadder as i'm typing this entry.

sore jya!

graduation trip yeww

1 march 2013, 29 hari lagi bakal berubah tempat kaki bermastautin.

oh mai goddddd.. betapa pantasnya masa berlalu.

dan betapa beratnya hati ni nk meninggalkan bumi japang nih.

adeyh, xnk pk.

anyway, me and my beloved friends went for graduation trip few days ago. it was sooo dang awesome! i bet  i lost few kilos for the mountain climbing and so on, yet, due to my big appetite, unfortunately i've got few kilos plus plak gyakuni. bluerghhhh. whatever, it's not like i'm overweight or what, my bmi is still normal though. *menyedapkan diri sendiri*

our last trip together i guess. excited all over since from the early morning. shinkansen from mihara to osaka, then rented car from osaka.

wakayama, here we come!

first day, enjoying the sunset view at white sand beach. it is white, seriously no joke.

our first night in super duper cute hostel. it was very cozy, first class service, washlet of course, the scenery was superb!

second day, pendakian pertama. ketahuilah, perjalanan itu sememangnya masih jauh. masih jaaaaaaaaauh.

this is only the beginning.

kumado. i think kumado is jalan yg batu2 mcm tuh, mse x hujan, it was fun lah, ble da hujan, kasut terslip sket, mmg tergolekmolek lah ke bawah.

well, that uncle had done his best capturing our picture, so i have to say, yea dis pic is pretty nice. huhuh.

sy yg kelihatan sebegitu tinggi sekali. perghh. ni muke bahagie setelah bergadai nyawa 2 jam adrenalin mengalir deras meredah gunung ganang yg jalannye berkeluasan hanyalah sekangkang kera, ditambah buruk keadaan lori besaq dok lalu lalang menyebabkn kereta kami seringkali hampir tercampak ke lurah gunung gaung setiap kali berselisih. hadeyy. nk describe mcm mne perasaannye pon payah.

tp pulang dri tmpt ni, kami semua belajar baaanyak perkara.

pertama, terowong jalan perlu dihargai. 20 minit perjalanan jd 2jam perjalanan memusing gunung dek kerana terowong xley pakai akibat ad runtuhan.

kedua, jalan lebar saaaangat bermakna. 

ketiga, muafakat membawa berkat. org kiri dok jaga balance kiri, org kanan dok jaga balance kete kanan, org blakang dok tenung tym nk reverse2 tym selisih kete dri depan.

keempat, hidup perlu maju ke depan. signboard sblom jalan msok gunung, 'once masok xley patah balik' - lebih kurg mcm ni lah bunyinya. tashikani, mmg lgsg xd ruang utk kami patah balik. 

kelima, kata2 semangat itu penting. my friend yg drive keep kate, 'oh penat, oh impossible, oh i can't do dis' n siyesly keadaan agk tense tmbh2 ble hujan turun. tp, dgn wujudnya kami berlima yg setiap minit dok ckp 'ganbare emi cang, ganbare, mou chotto da yo, mou sugu tsuku yo' n bla2, alhmdlh, we made it!

keenam, something yg not easy utk kte achieve, yappari nilainya saangatlah besar. habis- habisan ktorg sugosu jikan kt cni dek kerana begitu lelahnye nk smpi ke cni. haha.

ok, enuff menaip.

dan inilah tempatnya. haha! world heritage kot nih. ia sebenarnya hanyalah jalan kecik di atas puncak gunung, and i'm not really sure knp ia jd world heritage sbnonye.

ahhah! photographer nk msok gmbaq jue! third day.

kali ni kembali mendaki dgn kaki, this was actually our 3rd pendakian. and we thought we could finish it.......

penat mendaki jalan x berpenghujung, kyukei sat snap snap.

yet, we gave up. it was endless. dgn kabus tebalnya, hutan banat sebegini, kami sayangkan nyawa kami.

muke bahagia setelah berpenat lelah menapak. posing x paham knpe nk kne wat cmtuh. ceyh.

then, bateri kamera abes. tettttt.

trip kali ni, mata sy seriussssssss segar bugar. meredah hutan banat, gunung ganang, hijau merata alam, subhanallah, indahnya bumi ciptaan Tuhan.

3hari, 40% adelah atas kereta. well, name pon road trip. huewh2. x kesahlah, yg penting mase di spend bersama tuh. huuuuu.

3hari feels like less than one day. cepat betul mse berlalu kan.

last dinner together.
will be missing u guys.

thanks a lot for these meaningful 4 years. suke duke pahit manis kite tempuh bersama. gelak ketawa riang ria juge bersama. ponteng wat jahat pon jemaah bersama. waahh i miss those time!

we'll be meeting again in Malaysia soon. i promise i'll give u all the best annai eva!

love u guys!

xoxo

we were once young.

we were once young.

and we've grown up together.

great dad to be.

great man to be.

great cooker to be.

great mum to be.

awesome wannabe!

may Allah guide our ways.

may we get what the best for us.

wish d best of luck for the five of us.

Hiroshima University students, batch 2009.

we're both lucky

i'm lucky to have him as my supervisor.

he's lucky to have me as his student.

'you're working too hard hafiza'

'because you're too kind and follow everything whatever he asks, that's why he can do that'

yesterday, my friend said this to me (as she's trying to comfort me),

'look at me, if sensei said he wants me to do until 100, i only did 10.

then, the next time he pushed me and said, ok lah, let's work hard and just finish it to 50, but still, i did only 30.

and so, finally he said,

ok, enough with 30.

he gives up.

but hafiza,

if sensei said he wants you to do until 100, u'll finish it until 100.

then, the next time sensei will ask for more since he knows u can do it, so 150, and u work hard to reach it.

and then, for the next next time, sensei will ask for 200, and u, muri ni natttemo, muri yari u'll do it.

and, that is why, there will be the next next next time, next and next and next.

endless.

he'll ask for more since he knows u'll try to do them until the end'

i just nodded. somewhat agreeable. as i said before, comparing me and my friends, i have the guts to say that i'm working harder than them.

'because he's too kind. i'm unable to bring out myself to say no. he's doing everything for me. and i guess, he must be tired to handle a foreign student like me.'

yep, seriously, this is my answer. 

i'm always telling my friends and my juniors that i have a really kindhearted sensei, he is like a dad. comparing him to another 2 senseis, i always say to myself that i'm really lucky to have him as my supervisor. he's super understanding, super tolerable, always talk to me in nice tone, he checks my presentation's layout words by words, sometimes he even writes the whole paragraph and asks me to just copy paste since he thinks it must be really hard for me to type in Japanese. in summarize, he's super kind, that's why he is a supervisor. lol. not to mention, my first day sy m'jejakkn kaki ke lab tu utk interview lab, he's the one yg jemput sy duduk tunggu dlm blik dy instead of mingle2 kt koridor mse nga waiting time.

baek bukan?

but then my friend said,

'he's been paid hafiza. it is his job. he has to work as much as he's being paid. and dun u ever think yourself as a burden to him. since he knows u can do it, that's why he had asked u to do more. if he's thinking the bad way, he'd never asked u to continue. he'll give up like my sensei.'

then she laughed.

my dear friend, i'm really appreciating your words and advice. (she's really caring, i swear!)

but u know, i'm being paid too. i got my scholarship, so i think, at least i should do my job properly too. even my scholar is too little to be compared to his salary, he's got much more work to do, much more students to be handled, papers to be marked, meetings to be attended, and bla bla bla.

but me, on the other hand, i just need to focus on my research.

that's all.

haha. but of course easy said than to be done.

kadang2 bile badan penat otak beku memamg hati ni dok m'berontak jugaklah. dok kua la idea2 jahat dri hati yg m'busuk,

but then, sedaya upaya mengingatkan hati,

curik instag ruby! thehe.

dan lagi satu hakikat yg menguatkan hati sy,

Allah x tengok hasil, Allah tengok usaha.

mata manusia giat menilai hasil, tp pandangan Allah lebih menumpu ke usaha.

jd, walaupun penat anda berusaha dan hasilnya tidaklah semengancam usaha anda itu,

pujuklah hati dgn hakikat ini ye!

doakan me plis!

yours sincerely.  

eyh, perlu rephrase ayat atas td,

i'm lucky to have him as my supervisor.

but they said 'he's lucky to have me as his student'.

in conclusion, we're both lucky.

theehee.

on having faith and being positive

on having faith and being positive.

terkadang terumbang-ambing juga kembali mahu menurut nafsu. dengan persekitaran yg benar-benar menguji keutuhan hati dan jiwa, sungguh, sy tidak pantas menongkah deras naluri darah muda yg sejujurnya mendambakan yg sama tatkala melihat teman-teman yg lain terlebih dahulu mengorak langkah beria.

luka lama kononnya, sejujurnya hanya alasan semata. hakikatnya, diri sendiri masih belum bersedia. perjalanan sendiri masih terlalu panjang, masih byk tanggungjawab yg perlu ditunaikan, masih byk hutang yg perlu dilangsaikan. bukan mudah untuk bertekad membulatkan hati suatu ketika dahulu, tidak mungkin semudah itu pula kau mahu mengalah bukan?

makanya, bersabarlah duhai hati.

walhal bahagia itu tidak semestinya datang hanya dari manusia, bahkan Tuhan yg mengawal segalanya. usah berat menidakkan kehendak hati sekarang, yakini andai tiba masanya segalanya akan bakal dipermudahkan.

on having faith and being positive. 

heart heart heart!

it's winter, and my sense of dressing is getting weirder and weirder day by day. aging symptom perhaps, women at their mid 20's might feel this way as well i guess.

or, is it just me?

being paranoid. ohemgeee.

anyway,

nice kan?

because i heart them a lot a lot really lots

4 years of ups and downs, joys and tears, trusts and betrayals, loves and breakups,

we face them all together. 

for all this time, thanks.

wonderful friends of mine, another 3 months to go until the sayonara kotoba.

jya!

n btw, happy new year!

blue song~

The Winter's gone and the spring has come

We've withered away

Our hearts are torn from the yesterdays

Im singing my blues

I'm used to the tears, the doubt and the fears That hold me oh

Im singing my blues

I hope you can see

Im loosing my grip on you oh oh

We're looking up into the same old sky except that you and I 

Are further from the place we used to love

I am leaving you with just a word 

Yea It's selfish girl

But I have never been that good with words

Oh this could be the end of our dream

No one can help me

Maybe this is our final scence 

Watch the curtain closing drop down low

to bad now Ive got nothing to show

The moment I met you this I Know

I'd always Let my loving show

But I have lost my way into the blue

And when I close my eyes I pray we'll see it through

I wish that I could feel my cold heart

But We're so far apart, just like the ocean that's between our love

Your type of love is like a trauma 

When all is said and done

Ill dry my tears and think of what we were 

My apathy is all Ive got for now

Nothing gonna hold me down 

I cant take your complicated run around 

And I don't care if you aint there for me now

Cause I got a new sound 

People come and go like downtown

And when the night has come and were underneath the stars

Thinking what went wrong 

Falling asleep alone, but you always know

that even in my dreams I sing this song....

menari-nari lagu ni dalam kepala.

makan mandi tidur jaga, berlari-lari lirik dy dlm otak. hew3. bese lah, bosan sgt, xd mnde serius laen yg nk dipk kn melaenkn kenkyuu, makanya, menerawang sket minda nih.

oh ni bkn versi asal ye. ia hanya dlm korean n nihongo jek, so yg ni cover version punye. 

sume org dok sebok komen ckp auto tune n bla3, tp since i ni bknlah org amek major muzik, jd xpndi la nk komen2 nih. yg penting, sedaaaaaaaap.

cume, suara tang part TOP tu mmg shouganai la xley nk tiru kan. ahakkks.

mampu nk tiru?

hew3.

sumpah, i am really sorry.

i used to be a very hot-blooded person.

maybe, still i am.

and i'm fine with it since i'll get angry for reasons, not silly one, but through my right-mind state judgment, i'm not wrong for being angry, though maybe how i'm expressing my anger is pretty much hateful.

but i've come to hate myself when it happens to my family, especially towards my parents. when they are doing something that i can't really accept, or something i don't like, i just can't hold my anger no matter how hard i try to suppress them.

and that's what happened just now, through the phone. i was not aware of my high voice tone. i kept saying something that i know would hurt my mom, and i can't even control it. and after seconds, my heart hurt so much thinking of the fact that i was hurting her. and even worse, i can't even say sorry.

that is the difference, between a mom and a friend.

it is way easier to say sorry to a friend compared to asking forgiveness from a mother, or a father. i'm born that way. even on hari raya, we don't have that salam-salam mohon ampun on the pagi raya. and we're not the type of family who will normally and spontaneously confessing love towards each other. so, it's kinda weird and awkward to say sorry even after making a mistake. 

i still remember a year ago, same thing happen. i got angry to my mom, and that was the worst ever happen in my life. regretting what had happened for few days, finally i was able to bring up myself to say sorry to her. and u know what was her response?

she cried, a lot. i meant, really really lot which made me spilling my tears too. it was too heartbreaking and make me realize that she must be holding her feeling really well since she always act like everything is fine.

and from that day on, i've promised myself that i'll control my anger well, and behave myself.

but today, my anger just cracked out again.

i hate myself!

but i hate the one who's being the issue in our talk which lead to this tense between us, more.

and now, again, i am full of regret, wishing everything was never happen. had we not talked about that matter, we would happily end our phone talk like always. 

it must be hard for my mom to have such a daughter like me.

being sorry is actually not gonna help anything until u interpret it into words.

i know that.

but, i'm just unable to bring up myself to say that sorry word again, at least till the moment i'm writing this post. i keep telling myself, that mom would just know, how much i'm regretting my bad behavior to her, how much i hate myself for not being able to say sorry to her. i wish my mom know that.

at least, with Allah's will, she knows, i love her so much.

old pitch, da 3kali kot huplod kt belog nih.

my mom, x sevogue mama-mama yg laen, tp tervogue di hati ini.

i am really sorry mother.

i really really am.

mohabbatein~

autumn.

promise me,

u'll never ever betray me,

as i'd try to tolerate anything, 

except for betrayal.

may a bright future ahead!

kombo October! ;)

fuuuh fuuuh~ *efek sound tiup habuk di belog*

lama betul x menaip kan? teiuka, berabad jugaklah langsung x menjenguk belog nih. hehe. almaklumlah, orang meningkat dewasa yg semakin bz, sila memahami. huahuahua.

well, seperti biasa. bg hapdet kombo sikit penoh dgn gambar. thehe.

sambutan aidilfitri 2012, 6th October.

kami kelihatan sebaya kn? oh yg belakang tudung pink tu la yg paling kakak. kak azri. ngehehe.

welcoming the autumn season, season of love, autumn in my heart kengkonon.

so called mysterious flower, aki no kaori.

and also the beginning of my hectic life - two weeks of a real 4th year student's life.

zentai zemi, 18th October.

zemi -- rehearsal -- zemi -- rehearsal -- zemi -- rehearsal -- zemi -- rehearsal

sampai muntah.

2nd final rehearsal chuukan, 22th October.

yeah, i'm a student. giat berusaha demi chuukan happyo. iro iro yg berlaku, penat, taihen, frust, down, saket hati, semuanya memang x indah langsung. 

oh, yg indah ialah hubungan kami semua semakin baek, especially dgn 3 lelaki2 jepang tuh. baru mula merasa seperti kawan. eheh, bespren tros kot.huahua.

sempaaattt..... haruslah sempat kan?

huahuahua. bergaman jugak lah, langsung xd mse nk melayan youtube ke drama ke, pape lah. sepanjang mse mngadap pasokon kt lab dgn programming bagai, jgn haraplah blik rumah nk mengadap skrin pc lg kn?

i have my final rehearsal today, 26th October.

yet, it was hari raya aidiladha. 

proudly wearing baju kurung to the lab, and do the presentation.

alhamdulillah, berkat hari raya haji agaknya, sensei lembut hati. and i'm done by 3 o'clock in the evening. rushing back home for doing some preparation for senpai's open house.

senpai's open house.

i guess this year's color theme is pink. and btw, i ended up bring nothing to senpai's house since my cake was still baking in the oven. too much thing happen, i couldn't find the cornflour for the cake's ingredient, i broke my hand mixer, i even cut my finger. guess because it's been too long since i've been in the kitchen. haha.

3hours before the presentation, 27th October.

xtahulah nak ckp cuak ke tidak sbnanye, tp berusaha sedaya upaya jugaklah untuk menyumbat nan n kari ke dalam mulut walaupun hakikatnye perut xd la lapa sgt.

soro soro jikan da!

sempat berposing d depan cermin dlm lif, lab i kn tingkat8. hehe. spotted muka cuak di situ. hueh2.

well.. haruslah rse cuak utk berpresent di depan khalayak umum kan, tambahkan pulak dgn bkn mother tounge, mahupun mother's angkat tounge (english). makanya, wajarlah utk jantung ini berdetap2 sket kn.hueh2.

alhamdulillah!!

yatto owatta ze...~! (owh sume org simbol peace jek yg mmpu)

alhamdulillah Tuhan permudahkan. walaupun sy pn xtahu ap yg sy jwb mse sensei tnye soalan, then ad satu ketika yg sy hanya mampu menjawab 'soudesune... soudesune...' smpi tbe2 da abes mse.

tp xp, toriaezu, chuukan koetekita yo~~

mata, kimatsu ganbarou!

tp, sebelum itu, 28th October.

berpoya-poyalah sikit. theeeheeee....

sehari selepas tamatnya chuukan happyou. huahuahua.

iAllah, untuk kimatsu akn cuba wat sebaik yg mungkin supaya kesilapan mengatur masa time chuuukan ni xkn berulang lg. siyesly, sy xnk spend wiken kt lab, sy xnk celik mata lab, pejam mata lab, mari mengusir budaya hidup seperti robot!

makanya, korekara chanto yatte, jikken mo shikkari shite, iA ii kekka wo dasareru youni~

nwy, entry yg meleret dgn lambakan kombo gmbr2, maaflah.

tanda2 penuaan gamoknye, da smakin mls nk menulis. huih3.

31st October.

oh, dan ini, gmb latest.

fresh dari ladang, beberapa jam yg lalu. hui3.

konon2 nk berkouyou.. tgok2 mmg batang pokok dgn lalang nk mati yg penoh, sejok over kot eyh taon nih. hehe.

anyway, babai october,

and

happy november!!