we're both lucky

i'm lucky to have him as my supervisor.

he's lucky to have me as his student.

'you're working too hard hafiza'

'because you're too kind and follow everything whatever he asks, that's why he can do that'

yesterday, my friend said this to me (as she's trying to comfort me),

'look at me, if sensei said he wants me to do until 100, i only did 10.

then, the next time he pushed me and said, ok lah, let's work hard and just finish it to 50, but still, i did only 30.

and so, finally he said,

ok, enough with 30.

he gives up.

but hafiza,

if sensei said he wants you to do until 100, u'll finish it until 100.

then, the next time sensei will ask for more since he knows u can do it, so 150, and u work hard to reach it.

and then, for the next next time, sensei will ask for 200, and u, muri ni natttemo, muri yari u'll do it.

and, that is why, there will be the next next next time, next and next and next.

endless.

he'll ask for more since he knows u'll try to do them until the end'

i just nodded. somewhat agreeable. as i said before, comparing me and my friends, i have the guts to say that i'm working harder than them.

'because he's too kind. i'm unable to bring out myself to say no. he's doing everything for me. and i guess, he must be tired to handle a foreign student like me.'

yep, seriously, this is my answer. 

i'm always telling my friends and my juniors that i have a really kindhearted sensei, he is like a dad. comparing him to another 2 senseis, i always say to myself that i'm really lucky to have him as my supervisor. he's super understanding, super tolerable, always talk to me in nice tone, he checks my presentation's layout words by words, sometimes he even writes the whole paragraph and asks me to just copy paste since he thinks it must be really hard for me to type in Japanese. in summarize, he's super kind, that's why he is a supervisor. lol. not to mention, my first day sy m'jejakkn kaki ke lab tu utk interview lab, he's the one yg jemput sy duduk tunggu dlm blik dy instead of mingle2 kt koridor mse nga waiting time.

baek bukan?

but then my friend said,

'he's been paid hafiza. it is his job. he has to work as much as he's being paid. and dun u ever think yourself as a burden to him. since he knows u can do it, that's why he had asked u to do more. if he's thinking the bad way, he'd never asked u to continue. he'll give up like my sensei.'

then she laughed.

my dear friend, i'm really appreciating your words and advice. (she's really caring, i swear!)

but u know, i'm being paid too. i got my scholarship, so i think, at least i should do my job properly too. even my scholar is too little to be compared to his salary, he's got much more work to do, much more students to be handled, papers to be marked, meetings to be attended, and bla bla bla.

but me, on the other hand, i just need to focus on my research.

that's all.

haha. but of course easy said than to be done.

kadang2 bile badan penat otak beku memamg hati ni dok m'berontak jugaklah. dok kua la idea2 jahat dri hati yg m'busuk,

but then, sedaya upaya mengingatkan hati,

curik instag ruby! thehe.

dan lagi satu hakikat yg menguatkan hati sy,

Allah x tengok hasil, Allah tengok usaha.

mata manusia giat menilai hasil, tp pandangan Allah lebih menumpu ke usaha.

jd, walaupun penat anda berusaha dan hasilnya tidaklah semengancam usaha anda itu,

pujuklah hati dgn hakikat ini ye!

doakan me plis!

yours sincerely.  

eyh, perlu rephrase ayat atas td,

i'm lucky to have him as my supervisor.

but they said 'he's lucky to have me as his student'.

in conclusion, we're both lucky.

theehee.

words for the day

mental confusion. that is the words for the day.

last entry was about the morning anxiety, the previous one was about the psychology test, and today, it's gonna be about the mental confusion.

okay, it is not really about the mental confusion. it will be more about sadness.

what is sadness?

according to the wikipedia, sadness is emotional pain associated with, or characterized by feelings of disadvantage, loss, despair, helplessness and sorrow. these feelings of certain things are usually negative. when one is sad, people often become less outspoken, less energetic, and emotional. crying is often, but not necessarily an indication of sadness.

crying - that is actually the real word for the day.

i spent half of my day at lab crying today, and for some reasons, i felt really annoyed with myself. 

the problem is not that big (i guess), i just need to add few more simulation experiments which sensei said necessary for my presentation. since my simulations are pretty complex and there are too much of them till the main objective for my experiments is upside down, sensei wants something more firm for my final results.

i just nodded. even when sensei asked for my opinion, i just said,

'ok, let's do that'

even in my head, i am 100% sure, i dun wanna do that simulation again.

first, the software for the simulation is not in my pc anymore.

second, i dun wanna see that spider-web-look model anymore.

third, i have finished 80% writing my english version thesis. 

forth, i'm done with the slide presentation for the rehearsal next week.

fifth, i dun wanna think anymore.

sixth, i want to spend my time on translating the thesis into japanese version.

seventh, i am afraid if by last minute inspection i'd found something wrong with my models.

eighth, i am tired.

ninth, i am sad.

tenth, i have worked so hard.

and albeit for all of those ten reasons, i still couldn't accept the truth that i was crying badly through the evening. even until the end, when i walked home at 8, there's still some tears spilled out of my eyes. the last time i was crying this badly was during the canal treatment few months ago, but that was acceptable since the pain is no joke. 

i guess, it is because i am too tired. 

and comparing myself with the other six students, i have the guts to say that i'm working really hard. yet, why this is happening to me? 

plus the final reason which i think is actually the real reason for my unstoppable tears,

 i am disappointed with my own self.

for the first time in my life, i have found something i have really given my best to, yet, it is not going in my way. perhaps, Allah's way to test hambaNya.

but for now, i really need to rest, or else this swollen eyes would get worse by tomorrow morning. still have meeting with sensei tomorrow, to discuss what i'm going to do since the results for the new simulations (which i barely able to run them this evening as i was fighting back my tears) is not as expected.

please do pray for me.

ya Allah, please ease my way.

i am not stupid. i am workaholic. so what?

mari merungut tentang kenkyuu.

dua tiga menjak ni da jarang jumpe kgkwn melayu selain inche osmet, jd proses melepaskn stress tu agak kurang. jadi, mari melepaskannya di belog. ehem ehem, wat ayat poyos sket, belog i suke hati i lah. haha.

*terase gedip*

dis week 2 kali zemi, sebagai pengganti 10hari xd zemi haritu. zemi first, sensei saaaaangatlah x berpuas hati as if i were doing nothin. tiada progress yg dy harapkn.

next zemi proceed 2hari selepasnya which was yesterday. i've tried to give my best. sume org kt lab tu pon tau what did i do, seriously memang muke ini yg jd penghuni tetap lab tuh. 5days per week, pagi ke malam. yea, i know, org laen kt dai laen or myb kt lab laen lg lah, smpi weekend pn kne pegi lab, n blik malam tu adalah hal normal. 

but not for us. seriously.

my friend sorang tu, hari ada zemi jek dy dtg lab tunjuk muke. dtg 2jam awal mcm tu, pastu dok skecth2 draft paper nk present kt sensei. n everytime i tnye 'how's the progress?', i'll get d same answer, 

'zenzen susundenai yo~~'

well, org jepun kn. kdg2 mulut jek ckp lgsg xd progress gtu, but then i took a look at her program. serius, memang sebaris pn x bertambah since mid-term presentation hari tu which has been about a month ago.

wanna know the difference?

during this one month, i even have to change my software, start learning it from zero without any books, just online tutorial or something like that, have to transfer my previous model from the previous software to the new software which i have to sketch the model from zero, again. i'm doing the same thing, the same model which i had spent almost one semester to finish, but this time within a month, in fact a week.

'because u have done it before, i dun think u'll have any problem this time' - sensei said as he told me i need to change my software due to the lack of functionality for the previous one. and i just nodded. because, after all, it is for my own sake, and i have already promised myself that i would do my best for the final presentation, which mean, i need to work really hard for the remaining of my final year project.

then, there comes the jinx and some weird people who i dun even know why they do exist in this world.

'u're working too hard. u're stressing yourself too much..'

'ganbari sugi yarou.. yaranakutemo ii yo.. u take it so serious, majime da ne..

u dun have to do dat, u dun have to do dis, n bla bla bla n bla bla bla'

frankly speaking, i really hate this type of people. my most utterly ichiban dai dai dai hated phrase is 

'ganbari sugi yarou~~'

why do they have to co-exist in this world with me in the first place?

why? why do i have to encounter such of that people in my life?

maybe, i have to admit, 

i'm born workaholic.

when i am on something, especially when it is very clear to me that i have to bear any loss or failure if i'm not getting it right, then, i am really giving my hundred percents for it. 

for example, if i have any exams.

it is very very much clear to me that if i fail that exam, or if i can't manage to have good score, good result, i'll have to face the circumstance such as mental disruption (as i can't handle failure that well), or have to repeat the paper, or might be worse, have to face the repeat year risk, n etc. this kind of aftereffect is so much clear even the dumbest person on earth can think of them. so, i'll try my best not to fail. either i want to study harder to decrease my possibility of failure, or i'll just do it on 'lek-lek ah' mode and think about the result later, the choice is all mine.

as i am not stupid, i'll choose to study hard, give it the best, as i dun want to regret it later.

same goes with the kenkyu.

it is all in me, all in my hand. either i want to go to the lab everyday and do the kenkyuu majimeni, wholeheartedly, or just do it so-so, show your face to the sensei once a week, attend lab only for zemi, the choice is all depend on me. i know, maybe, after i grad and i start to work at the company, this my final year project might be nothing to me as well to my work, but, who knows, maybe, through the process of i'm giving my best to do it well, i would get something much more useful for my future. instead of just thinking this fyp as your ticket for your graduation, why not making it more meaningful as an unforgettable stage in your life which teach u lesson to live better?

and that is what i am trying to do. instead of just take it as a ticket for graduate, i want to make it more like my own life for this one year, that's why i need to give it my best. i dun want to look like a fool when people ask me what i am doing within this one year and the thing that i can only say is ' i dunno lah. just spending time buang masa kt lab. i dunno what i am doing. n bla bla bla.'

at least, i want to appreciate my own pride and soul by being able to say

 'oh.. i studied about dis bla bla thing, dat bla bla model, then, bla bla program'

it is not wrong to have such desire right?

after all, life is just like that. all is depend on yourself, either u want to make it so much valuable and something u can be proud of, or else, u leave any space for regret after passing half of your ages, it is all depend on u. 

this kind of mind thinking is so much reminding me of my interview session with the company representatives  during the career fair. they asked me about this kind of thing. the choices.

well, if u are not stupid, then prove it by choosing your path wisely.

kembali kepada topik.

kenkyuu is penat. n bertambah penat bile sensei dok push kite mcm kite xwat ppe, padahal depan mata kite berlambak orang laen yg memang xwat pape. well, think positive, sensei trust kite to do well. so, of course, he'll put extra expectation, and to answer that expectation we have to do it really well according to his pace. 

ganbare wawa! 

actually, u do enjoy this phase of your life kan?

yep, i'm loving it. just, once a while i got tired and that is the time when i need to muntahkan ia di belog ini. hew3.

jya!

minna mo ganbare!

kerana diriku begitu berharga ;D

"mak, pagi td kene sengat binatang.." sobssss sket.

"xpelah.. sje nk bg rase la tuh. adik kn xpenah kne sengat dek pape, stakat kerengga mse kecik2 pon da lalung.." (lalung is melalak menangis dlm bahase perok)

terdiam sekejap.

aahlah, seumur hidup, ni first time kne sengat cmni.

and i'm not really sure la tu sbnonye lebah ke, tebuan ke, penyengat ke, ntah hape2 lagi lah serangga penyengat yg seangkatan dgnnye. yg penting, ia mempunyai sengat, n ia menyakitkan.

sou ieba, sy memang x tahan saket.

mslh jugaklah setiap kali nk tampal gigi nk kne bius dlu, dek kerana x tahan saket. smpi abg dentist pon pening nk melayan. hew3.

nanti nk kawen dgn inche dentist lah!

*tibetibe kan*

dulu-dulu dok berangan nk kawen dgn inche dokter. eheee. bukan sbb inche dokter bergaji kaya, tp sbb terasa mcm selamat bile inche dokter sentiasa berada di sisi. klo buley letak dlm poket, lama dah sy wat, smbil usung ke hulu ke hilir. plus, save sket la xya g jupe n bayar dokter laen kt klinik. ehehee.

skrg ni, dentist pn mcm menarik. nnt kot2 saket gigi lagi kot kang, senang sket, inche abe bley tgok kn. huahuahua. berangan tahap petala ketujuh dah nih.

kerana diriku begitu berharga! *iklan sekejap*

eyh bakal suami inche engineer pon ap salahnye. kerana engineering itu cool lagi menawan, 

seperti sy *uhuk uhuk*

iA soon to be engineer ;)

p/s-eyh, sy bukan mata duitan. tidak sama sekali. tidak memandang darjat ataupun nama. kerna sy jugk insan biasa. tp beselah, nama pun berangan kn. mne ade org berangan mende yg m'bosankan. hew3.

autumn & jerawat ?

sassuga muka bertatah berlian lah kulit sy nih!

dua hari lepas gedik nk pakai mask kgkonon nk membelai kulit bg mngantok tdo kn, sekali hari ni rse bertubi-tubi jerawat naek bagai cendawan tumbuh selepas hujan.

tidak menarik, lagi sakit.

maka beruntunglah mereka-mereka yg secara semulajadinya telah dikurniakn kulit cantek halus mulus bagai baby baru lahir tanpa perlu berusaha perabis duet bagai utk beli produk kecantikan, mahupun tidak perlu berusaha bermekap tebal berinci-inci utk menutup cela di muka, beruntunglah anda, anda, dan juga anda.

eyh, sy pun beruntung jugak.

lahir lahir, alhamdulillah cukup sifat, hidung mulut mata, kening semuanya susun terletak rapi aje kt muka. alah, setakat cela-cela jerawat gurai, x remajalah kalau xd jerawat ye dak?*ayat sedapkan hati.ngeh2*

pada pandangan sy, sebenonye, seorang wanita *ehem ehem* yg berhadapan dgn masalah kulit muka ni, nayami nya sama aje dgn wanita yg mngalami masalah berat badan, betul x?

berdietlah bagai nak rak pun, bersukan n bersenamlah sehabis tenaga pun, entahkan kenapa payah bebeno berat nk turun, ye dak?turun memanglah turun sekali sekala, tetapi utk mngekalknnye, dan juga m'istiqamahkan usaha, amatlah payah bukan?

dalam 100orang wanita bermasalah berat badan, dan berusaha utk mengatasinya, berapa ramai jek yg berjaya? memaaaaaanglaahhh.. wujud jek kot org2 yg berjaya kuruss setelah berusaha, tp dikalangan org sekeliling kita, boleh dibilang dgn jari kot kan bilangannya.

sameee lah jugak dgn org bermasalah kulit muka. jerawat ni, memang le suke naek ikot dan. tmbh2 klo yg kulit sensitip seperti sy, pantang sket cucuh bendasing kt muke, mula la nk menunjuk perasaan. bukan setakat ketidakmenarikan itu yg memberi impak di jiwa, malah, kesakitannya turut membuatkan rse nk rendam muka dalam air beku biar hilang deria rasa.

kesimpulannya, tiada manusia yg sempurna. 

usah didengki mereka yg berkulit halus mulus, usah didengki mereka yg terlahir sejak azali kuruss. yakin jek la, ada hikmahnya kenapa anda adalah anda yg sekarang. kot kot ki sumanai jugak dgn diri yg sekarang, makanya, sy menyeru anda sekalian, istiqamahlah dlm mencetus perubahan.

biasanya kita ni memang nk kne ad misi n visi serta hala tuju yg kuat bru bley nk kick start btol2 kan?

like my friend, dieting sbb nk kawen, xnk gmbo kawen napok gemok katenye. 

klo kulit muke? 

"tutup dgn mekap 3,4 inchi flawless lah nanti" 

errrr...

tu pon buleh... 

nway, td b'koyou di dai. koyou tu mknenye menikmati daun kuning. ala, autumn kan.. 

my feberet season. ngehehe.

 senpais.

kouhais.

eyh tp gmb ni xbpe nk autumn la plak kan. hui3.

nanti-nantilah huplod gmbo. pasokon ni siyes mencari gadoh, nk kate berat, xpenah le plak donlod bendasing yg memberatkan.

haissssh.

 p/s- dun hate us because we're too beautiful.

p/s2- dun be a loser, speak ur mind. n btw, haters gonna hate kan? huahua!

kombo October! ;)

fuuuh fuuuh~ *efek sound tiup habuk di belog*

lama betul x menaip kan? teiuka, berabad jugaklah langsung x menjenguk belog nih. hehe. almaklumlah, orang meningkat dewasa yg semakin bz, sila memahami. huahuahua.

well, seperti biasa. bg hapdet kombo sikit penoh dgn gambar. thehe.

sambutan aidilfitri 2012, 6th October.

kami kelihatan sebaya kn? oh yg belakang tudung pink tu la yg paling kakak. kak azri. ngehehe.

welcoming the autumn season, season of love, autumn in my heart kengkonon.

so called mysterious flower, aki no kaori.

and also the beginning of my hectic life - two weeks of a real 4th year student's life.

zentai zemi, 18th October.

zemi -- rehearsal -- zemi -- rehearsal -- zemi -- rehearsal -- zemi -- rehearsal

sampai muntah.

2nd final rehearsal chuukan, 22th October.

yeah, i'm a student. giat berusaha demi chuukan happyo. iro iro yg berlaku, penat, taihen, frust, down, saket hati, semuanya memang x indah langsung. 

oh, yg indah ialah hubungan kami semua semakin baek, especially dgn 3 lelaki2 jepang tuh. baru mula merasa seperti kawan. eheh, bespren tros kot.huahua.

sempaaattt..... haruslah sempat kan?

huahuahua. bergaman jugak lah, langsung xd mse nk melayan youtube ke drama ke, pape lah. sepanjang mse mngadap pasokon kt lab dgn programming bagai, jgn haraplah blik rumah nk mengadap skrin pc lg kn?

i have my final rehearsal today, 26th October.

yet, it was hari raya aidiladha. 

proudly wearing baju kurung to the lab, and do the presentation.

alhamdulillah, berkat hari raya haji agaknya, sensei lembut hati. and i'm done by 3 o'clock in the evening. rushing back home for doing some preparation for senpai's open house.

senpai's open house.

i guess this year's color theme is pink. and btw, i ended up bring nothing to senpai's house since my cake was still baking in the oven. too much thing happen, i couldn't find the cornflour for the cake's ingredient, i broke my hand mixer, i even cut my finger. guess because it's been too long since i've been in the kitchen. haha.

3hours before the presentation, 27th October.

xtahulah nak ckp cuak ke tidak sbnanye, tp berusaha sedaya upaya jugaklah untuk menyumbat nan n kari ke dalam mulut walaupun hakikatnye perut xd la lapa sgt.

soro soro jikan da!

sempat berposing d depan cermin dlm lif, lab i kn tingkat8. hehe. spotted muka cuak di situ. hueh2.

well.. haruslah rse cuak utk berpresent di depan khalayak umum kan, tambahkan pulak dgn bkn mother tounge, mahupun mother's angkat tounge (english). makanya, wajarlah utk jantung ini berdetap2 sket kn.hueh2.

alhamdulillah!!

yatto owatta ze...~! (owh sume org simbol peace jek yg mmpu)

alhamdulillah Tuhan permudahkan. walaupun sy pn xtahu ap yg sy jwb mse sensei tnye soalan, then ad satu ketika yg sy hanya mampu menjawab 'soudesune... soudesune...' smpi tbe2 da abes mse.

tp xp, toriaezu, chuukan koetekita yo~~

mata, kimatsu ganbarou!

tp, sebelum itu, 28th October.

berpoya-poyalah sikit. theeeheeee....

sehari selepas tamatnya chuukan happyou. huahuahua.

iAllah, untuk kimatsu akn cuba wat sebaik yg mungkin supaya kesilapan mengatur masa time chuuukan ni xkn berulang lg. siyesly, sy xnk spend wiken kt lab, sy xnk celik mata lab, pejam mata lab, mari mengusir budaya hidup seperti robot!

makanya, korekara chanto yatte, jikken mo shikkari shite, iA ii kekka wo dasareru youni~

nwy, entry yg meleret dgn lambakan kombo gmbr2, maaflah.

tanda2 penuaan gamoknye, da smakin mls nk menulis. huih3.

31st October.

oh, dan ini, gmb latest.

fresh dari ladang, beberapa jam yg lalu. hui3.

konon2 nk berkouyou.. tgok2 mmg batang pokok dgn lalang nk mati yg penoh, sejok over kot eyh taon nih. hehe.

anyway, babai october,

and

happy november!!

syndrom rungsing

i know i'm a freak.

semakin lama semakin mem'freak'kan dri sndri. homaigadddd.

leeteuk, donghae, kyuhyun, sungmin, eunhyuk, yesung, siwon, shindong, ryeowook, kangin, heechul, kibum.

seee, sy bleh sebut sorang-sorang name ahli super junior da skrg...hooomaigadd. 

once upon a time, bilamana intenet rumah sy b'mslh, haruslah dipanggil uncle2 tachi yg hebat2 supaya dtg menyelamatkan keadaan, betul x? dan disebabkan ketika waktu kejadian sy sedang ralit dan b'semangat b'sembang dgn kawan sy yg dtg b'tandang ke rumah, makanya tanpa sedar sy terbiarkan pasokon sy berkeadaan sebegini

and the awkward moment ble sy t'sedar yg sy TERLUPA nk ubah wallpaper desktop sy tuh, and tanpa sy sempat berbuat apa-apa mereka dah pun mengadap pasokon sy.

saat itu, i was like

ooooemmmmgeeeee...

a total embarrassment. seriously.

tp haruslah sy wat2 cool konon-konon wat-wat xto kan, padahal jantung rse nk meletup tahan rse malu. 

 dlm kepala dok berlari-lari segala macam assumption tentang ape yg pakcek-pakcek ni pk mse tgok desktop sy tu ha. huwaaaaa..ble teringat ni siyes rse nk lari menyorok bawah katil. haha.

sy xd la kelihatan seperti seorang yg sgt freak sgt kan? *cube menenangkan diri sndri* its normal la sebenarnya kalau pempuan letak gmbr artis korea cmni as wallpaper desktop. lgpon sy letak gmb tu sbb yogeun (the baby) tu comel gle tmbh-tmbh ble dy menangis dgn minho (bapak baby tu kgkonon). bukannye sy letak gmbr 2pm badan ketul2 x pki baju tunjuk six pack pun kan? haha!

lelaki letak gmb akb48 berminiskirt as wallpaper mmg tercetus di hati sy lah bliaw hentai, makanya, sy pon tidak haruslah meletakkn gmb 2pm bersix pack tu sbb nnt ad plak lelaki pk sy hentai, desyou? haha.

dan ini wallpaper baru, sopan sikit. dan membantu memotivasikan diri sket, iAllah hopefully.

teringat perbualan dgn inche kawan (seorang gadis jepun tp ber'citarasa' american). dy terkejut tgok wallpaper phone sy. well, salunye wallpaper phone n wallpaper desktop sy same jek. 

and u know what she said?

"kimochi waruiiiii"

sy terdiam sesaat. sesaat jek lah. then membalas,

"desuyone........"

(pasrah mengiyakan)

kemudian kitorang tergelak. 

for her, it is kimochi waruii since ia adalah lelaki asia yg CANTEK, langsung tidak kehenseman mahupun m'punyai ciri-ciri kelelakian yg gagah. she prefers american men much better.

and for me, it is kimochi waruii since terase dri sndri sgt freak berwallpaper sebegitu, as i always think that wallpaper tu selalu m'cerminkan pemiliknya mcm mne. haha. mslh komplikated kendiri.

ahhhh..mungkin segalanya langsung tiada kaitan dgn apa-apa. sekadar mainan dan suka-suka. 

haishh.. yg sy pk teruk pasal wallpaper-wallpaper ni kenapa?

inilah namanya syndrom rungsing malam hujung minggu terperuk dok depan pasokon kt umah.

haihhh..

 p/s- kadang-kadang x paham dgn otak sndri yg salu pk komplikated. huh. 

quick peek.hew3.

saiz nak sebesar yang mungkin. hew3.

menaip secara langsung dari bumi okayama. fuuuuh~ harus segera pulang ke tanah air kerana bapak menanti dgn penuh harapan.

ye, sy akn pulang, sabaq naa. huhuu.

mou chotto ganbareba..

bigger expectation, greater disappointment.

the best phrase to describe me right now. wuuuuu~ rse nk mengalir tumpah ayer mata ni dek penangan bapak kesayangan a.k.a sensei. n sy amat pasti sekali, bliaw pon berperasaan sama. terkeciwa dek pe'el sy yg hanya pandai mengangguk dan menggeleng saje. 

sejujurnya, setiap pertanyaan sensei tu, sy adeeeeee jawapan utk kesemuanya. tp, i'm not expecting la bliaw btol2 akn tnye soklan2 sebegitu sbb jawapan yg ada dlm kepala otak sy ni x seberapa nice utk diperdengarkan. makanya, sy perlulah berlaku bijak dgn hanya m'geleng tanda tidak tahu, n m'angguk tanda 'ok, sy akan buat lain'.

contoh.

he's asking me for a new idea, a new reformation for the model, and my mind said 'this is the optimal model and has been used by all the leading conglomerate in the world, so i dun think there's something else for me to add in'

then he said, find any new infirmity in the model? 

and my mind said, 'of course there's nothing perfect in this world, but since this is already a famous model in the business field, i dun think there'll be any other infirmity that no one has ever found before. n IF, if i do happen to find a new one, i think i would have to have my thesis final presentation done in US. not to mention walton family would also have to pay me few bucks since i'm bringing some kaizen opportunity for their wal-mart company' 

x indah sgt kan jawapan2 sy nih?

i remember back then when i am in my first year, one of my 4th year senpai told me this,

'KALAU aku berjaya wat mende ni, boleh dapat noble prize aku'

n sy hanya tergelak, n siap terpk lagi, kompiden baaaaapak cakap besar senpai nih. hehehe. tp dlm ht jek la pk cmtu. tau jek bliaw bergurau kot.

but now i know, what was his real feeling back then. because right now i'm facing the same situation, the same environment, and unfortunately yes, my reaction is just the same like him.

to find or create something new, but with the knowledge that there're lots more cendekiawan atas muka bumi ni yg SUDAH berusaha melakukannya, or SUDAH sedaya upaya meng'optimal'kannya, and to compare your stand and their stand right now, the ability is just like langit and bumi, and u'll end up coming into a conclusion - i can't do any better.

and that is what i said to my sensei - i can't do any better. i can't find any infirmity. i can't think of any other new reformation. i just CAN'T do it.

and muka sensei terus berubah. 

i told u, bigger expectation, greater disappointment.

"muzukashi koto wa yoku shitteru kedo, demo, tashika doko ka ni atarashiku dekiru koto wa nai desuka? watashi mo sou iu tokoro wo kangaeru no wa chikara dasu kedo, hafiza ga wakai node, chikara mo aru shi, motto ii idea wo dasareru koto wo shinjiteimasu" - lebih kurang serbaserbi sebeginilah ayatnya.

(yes i know it is difficult, but, there must be somewhere that might be possible utk diperbaharu right? utk pk mende tu sensei pon akn cube pk kan sekali, tp hafiza kn muda lg, and ad ability, so, i believe u'll come up with a better idea - versi translate ayat keling sket)

sensei yg pandai mengambil hati.

"mou chotto ganbattara ikeru to omoimasu ~" shika ienai. 

ye, sy akan berusaha lebih sikit lagi, that is all that i can say.

sebenarnya, bila difikirkan balik sedalam-dalamnya, task sy tidaklah sesusah orang laen yg perlu berjikken pagi ke malam, then dpt result yg x menyenangkan then esok kne repeat the same thing and perkara tu berulang lah smpi berminggu-minggu, ye, tidak sepayah itu. kerana Tuhan tahu, seandainya sy diuji sebegitu, tidaklah termampu dek jiwa ini untuk menanggungnya. makanya, diujinya sy dgn level yg sy mampu sahaja

"Allah does not charge a soul except within its capacity..." - [2:286]

so, because He knows i can do it, then i have to do my best to really do it. hehee.

8days to the next zemi, bapak, wait for me aa.

p/s - tahukah anda, kuih bahulu bley mengeras disebabkan minyaknya diserap dek kueh laen yg diletak bercampur bersama dalamnya di dalam satu bekas. T______________________________T

mak, bahulu sume da keras! sobbss.

kOrea korea koreaaa!

kalau dulu sy ske ckp, sy xkn dnga lagu korea yg sy x knal. knal as i mean yg sy penah dnga dalam drama2 yg sy tgok. snang ckp, OST drama laa. kalo bukan ost drama, jgn harap. 

too serabot n memeningkan kepala.

dulu jugak sy penah ckp, knp la korea ni byk sgt grup2 yg menari-nari, dlm satu grup tu smpi berbelas orang, then sume berebut nk nyanyi. x machoss langsung. klo sorang pegang gitar, sorang ketuk drum, kn ke lebih jantan n cool~ mcm flumpool.hik3.(nk jugakk kan..)

but then skunk, telinga ini semakin hari semakin diasah dan dibelasah dgn lagu2 korea yg ntah tidak tahu dri mana dtg asal-usulnya. daripada kenal semata-mata DBSK suatu ketika dahulu (tu sbb lagu nihongo dy yg femes tu : doushite kimi wo suki ++), melarat ke 2PM (pngaruh ruby!), then pulak lately Big Bang (pngaruh tirah!). eyh, sikit la pulak. bru tmbh 2 jek kan. hahaha.

bagi sy bnyk laa tuh..huhu..

DBSK sebelum terkerat dua. bias berat ke junsu (paling kiri). ;p

2PM yg cool2 belake.ngehee. xley nk bias ke mne2, suke sume.hehe.

big bang yg aneh lg mngujakn. haruslah bias kt top (dua dri kanan).

 lali jugak telinga ni dgn bhse korea da 24jam mendenga lagunye, menonton bangumi nye (variety show), melayan dramanye.. haish.. smpi satu saat sy tersedar, homaigadd.. ini da parah!

errr.. ekceli iitai kotonye di sini, sy bley faham la dgn kemabukan dan keterujaan orang-orang malaysia di sana nun dgn dunia korea skunk. smpi bley nk ckp ramai dak2 daigaku sne ikat perot utk melencong n melancong ke korea. at least, nk jejak kaki gtu. huiiih.. artis korea patot dpt datuk sumee, sbb membantu meningkatkn industri pelancongan.

dan lagi menariknya, bukan orang malaysia jek yg gila meroyan dgn arus korea ni, satu dunia kottt. cer bukak kt youtube tu, cari drama ppe yg nga feymes skunk ni, nk bahase ape, melayu cina siam india urdu russia france italiaon spain +++ sume ade la kesimpulannye. x pecaye? try la cri.

kagum betul.

ye la, mne x kagum, seantero dunia kalah muzik justin bieber. mst org2 korea suatu ketika dahulu x penah terpk pon yg muzik2 mereka akn jd seantero sebegini, ye dop?

muzik melayu kite pon, ntah2 lepas 200tahun akn dtg, akn jd cenggini jugk, pecaye dop? heee.. xslh b'mimpi.

eyh tertinggal. CN Blue. haaa.. tp yg ni xpe, machos sbb x berebut nk menyanyi.haha.

kan macho gtu? hik2.

pngajaran - jgn terlalu over dan tenggelam dgn arus deras korea nih. nk minat x salah, beselah, kadang2 x mmpu mngawal diri n histeria kan, tp agakkk agaaak la jugak kot. sume mnde klo overdose bisa bwk mudharat bah.. <-- monolog utk dri sndri.

nah, penutup, dnga lagu dri orang machos <3

#$%&~*+?!

always heart heart heart.

chenta hati baru.ngehehe.

done watching these. bg 4.5 bintang ^^,

nah, layan kegilaan baru.

baru untuk sy x smestinya bru utk anda, kan?

p/s - first time in my life, i wish my bathroom berdinding hitam bukannye putih. haish.

ini entry serius

there're tooo much to write. ini entry serius.

muak tgok fesbuk org dok post pasal himpunan belia juta-juta. malu jugak nak mengaku negara sendiri ekceli, tp bila pk balik dok ada kt jepun ni pon ats sebab duit negara tuh, sgt kacang x berkulit lah dikau andainya xnk mengaku warganegara kan? 

sgt tertarik dgn taktik membawa masuk artis korea tuh. memang bijak+pandai+cerdik betul nk mencuri perhatian beliawan beliawanis kite kn? yg disogok dan yg menyogok (ade ke perkataan ni?), apa sebenarnya yg mereka fikirkan ye? sungguh tertanya-tanyalah sy, ape sebenarnya yg rakan-rakan beliaku di tanah ayer terchenta nun fikirkan, i mean, ape yg mereka nmpk sebenarnya?

then, x fhm dgn kenyataan-kenyataan pemimpin negara yg sy rasekan agak x masuk akal (sy xd la bijak cerdik sgt kalo nk dibandingkan dgn mereka kan, tmbn pula, mereka terlebih dulu makan garam, terlebih dahulu belajar how to use the brain, haruslah x tercapai dek akal sy utk memahami ap yg mereka sedang fikirkan sekarang, betul x?), penghijrahan artis ke arah kebaikan takut membawa pengaruh buruk terhadap org muda, remaja, mcm kita. 

KENAPA?

mungkinkah definisi BAIK itu sudah bertukar drpd bertudung litup kepada berskirt pendek?

mungkinkah juga BAIK itu bukan lg bermakna berhimpun di masjid mendengar ceramah ustaz tu ustaz nih, sebaliknya menjerit pekik terlalak terlolong bergaul jantan betina g tgok konsert?

pengisian ROHANI bukan lagi ilmu-ilmu agama mahupun alunan ayat-ayat Allah, sebaliknya dendangan2 lagu puja-memuja manusia, begitu?

apekah serius definisi BAIK memang sudah bertukar dan berevolusi di Malaysia?

ok, sudah. berhenti meng'argue' mende-mende bodoh yg dri sndri tahu ap dy jwpnnye. ad perkara lain yg lebih besaaaar lagi yg perlu di amek tahu.

...............................................................................................................................................................................................

drpd smlm tgok timeline agk penuh dgn org post sal syria. mcm-mcm reaksi yg diberikan, and haruslah semuanya mmg sungguh beremosi. ok, sblom mngulas hal isu syria nih meh nk meluahkn isi hati sket terlebih dahulu.

x post sal syria x bererti x amek tahu.

x hapdet status sal syria x bererti x amek peduli.

x pong pang pong pang emosi di fesbuk sal syria x bermakna malas nk amek pot.

so, dun judge n expect kau sorang jek la yg sibuk emosi pasal syria..

ok, abes sesi luahan hati. kembali ke isu utama - syria.

tersentak jantung sy ble g lepak library bce paper td, muka depannya adelah berita ttg pembunuhan kejam rakyat awam di syria. ye, sy tahu, dri smlm org dok hapdet kt fesbuk, tp honestly efeknya berbeza. membaca berita di fesbuk x sama dgn membaca berita di paper.

respon pertama saya - DUNIA TAHU. 

ia bukan disorok-sorok, sebaliknya semua paper mengulas ttg tragedi tu. so, even semua orang tahu pun, jadi kenapa? ada apa-apa ke yg mampu diubah dgn hakikat semua orang tahu tu?

sy pun x tahu.

terdetik dlm kepala sy, kenapa perlu berlaku sebegitu kejam? if nk membunuh, why dun u just bangg, tembak, kompem terus nyawa insan tu melayan. but then, why need to be so dang brutal, cruel, vicious, barbarous, heartless, savage, inhuman, satanic, demoniac ++++. no words could define it any better.

but still,

  KENAPA?

adekah ia psikologi?

disamping m'ugut manusia2 laen yg masih bernyawa yg masih berpijak di bumi tu supaya jgn berani-beraninya kamu mencari pasal, adekah juga utk 'membasuh' dan 'mendetergen'kan para mereka yg mencetuskan, atau dlm erti kata laen mengaktifkan revolusi itu.  adekah ia seperti, 'haa..kau wat la lagi, tgok lpas ni aq 'kejekan' spe plak atas sbb tindakan kau tuh'.. sumthin sebegini?

sy terkoyakkan buku lab. my friend got scolded because of that, instead of me. and i saw her crying after senpai said sumthin harsh like she's saitei, zero sense of responsibility and xbley diharap. she got scolded because of that koyak'ed' book, which was because of me.

what do u think i would feel then?

guilty? of course. even worse. i felt terrible.

and this is just about a koyak book and gettin scolded, not a tale about generating a reformation and then in a blink, massacre.  

"Ya Allah, punish us not if we forget or make a mistake. 

Our Lord, do not lay on us a burden as Thou did lay on those before us. 

Our Lord, impose not on us afflictions which we have not the strength to bear.

And pardon us. 

Grant us protection. 

And have mercy on us.

Thou are our Patron, so grant us victory over the disbelieving people,"

[2:286]

'Engkaulah Penolong kami, maka tolonglah kami terhadap kaum yg kafir'

nomikai desu~!

i just can't wait for another seconds to tell everything about my first nomikai!!

yeah, after 3years plus plus, this is my first time of joining such an event like that, and since my lab is full with super duper busy people, we didn't have the opportunity to hold such a welcoming party in the early of this month. but then, finally, today was the day.

Allah really loves me a lot, seriously.

i'm having a really good time there, together with my 3 new brothers. ahha, that's the point. and that's the main reason while i'm being super duper happy like this (super duper is the favorite words of the day). we have 3 indonesian people in our lab, phd students, and i thought they were all soo tsumetai because they didn't even say hi to me on my first day at the lab. yet, me, the chronic negative thinker me, who's keep judging people negatively as my first impression, turns out everything that i think was wrong. 

they are totally upside down. 

they are all crazy yet matured people. i couldn't even remember when is the last time i'm being crazy as i was today. and as u all know, i am not really good with new people, but them, their craziness make me feel like we have known each other since years ago! i couldn't stop laughing at all through two hours of the nomikai. time sure did fly faster than it's usual.

they did say this - just think of them as my own brothers, really.

i'm still feeling like being in the air. being treated like u were really their in-matured kawaiii youngest sister really made my day. well, as the last child in the family i prefer to do nothing, i mean not to have to think or decide on anything. i like people to decide them for me, or better said, i like everything being taking care by others for me, and that is what they did. really, they were like brothers to me, even of course my brothers are younger than them though. haha!

crazy yet matured - that's the key. 

 Allah sure does love me. He let me stay with my Japanese friends, He let me be in my favorite sensei's lab, He put me under the super duper kindest sensei supervisor, He let me be on my flexible time to go to the lab, He let me have my favorite subject as my final year project theme, He even let me meet 3 new super kind brothers. Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah for all Your blessing. 

ustaz dOn pulak..

hari-hari hapdet belog, rajin betol aq nih. #heh

rase mcm byk benda btol nak cerita n nk share dgn org, tapi kekkyoku last-last nanti aq membebel benda-benda yg x berfaedah. #heh lg. 

owh anyway, arini sume orang dok sebok-sebok upload gmbr ustaz don in the black suit. homaigod! kachakk lagi tampan tidak dinafikan. siap pakai ray ban lg tuh, memang kencang jiwa si bunga-bunga yg melihatnya. 

kecuali saya.

hoh. maapla tapi x tahu kenapa x pernah tertarik nk mengenali atau dlm erti kata laennye nk mengoogle pasal ustaz don.huhu. iman setipis kulit bawang, kalau pasal aqasha laju jek tgn kau mengoogle kan? :p

bukan hape, takot bile cari lebih-lebih kang hati terattach kuat plak, jenuh nak cari lelaki mcm tu nk dibuat suami. *alasan nk cover*

smbung cerita; 

lantas saya terdetik: mungkinkah para jejaka sekalian akan kelihatan kachakk & tampan andainya dikenakan suit hitam? wow! persis si bunga tahi ayam transform jadi bunga raya dek mekap dan kebaya, si jejaka pula mudah saja, pakai suit kemas ikat dada n susuk tubuh. macam nih,

smart bukan? ya, sy tahu dan disebabkan itulah sy pernah mengeluarkan statement sebegini apabila ditanya tentang jodoh (ayat xbley blah mcm arteiss bley x?),

'i'm waiting for a man in the black suit'

eceh, kemain...eyh, tp bukan ustaz don la yg i dok waiting for nih.haha.

definisi ayat sy tuh bukanlah ttg seorang lelaki yg segak bergaya tampan bisa bikin jiwa dara kencang n bla bla bla, sebaliknya ttg seorang lelaki matang yg berfikiran jauh serta berdedikasi malah berwawasan, berketerampilan, bertanggung jawab, layak memimpin, serius bekerja, optimis,  (n bla bla bla *malas nk taip*)

kerana bagi sy, suit hitam itu lambang salary man a.k.a orang bekerja makan gaji, senang citer orang dewasa yg bekerja la. haha. paham?

x paham sudah,

klo tersalah paham pun sudah,

sy x kesah.

padahal dari td semangat nk tulis entry belog pasal mnde laen sebenanye tp dok melalut ckp pasal suit la hape la, sume ustaz don punye pasal lah nih.

ckp sal ustz don anyway, jgn di'tatang-tatang' sgt la bliau, kesian dia, lelah nanti dia nk menangkis dugaan dan cobaan. tadi terbaca ad org komen "mesti ramai pompuan2 yg snggup ready nk jadi nombor 2,3,4" <-- lebih kurang cmni le kot kt gmb ensem ustaz tuh. for some reasons, tiba-tiba hati sy jd menggelegak.

kesian bakal isteri dia. da la penah denga citer yg ustaz tu mengaku bakal isterinya x cantik (mungkin merendah diri je kot kan), pastu orang dok puja-puja kehenseman ustz tu bersuit n bla bla, then ad plak org komen sal no 2,3 4. cisss. kalau bliau bukan ustz, sy x heran pon, malas nk heran. contohnye cm masa awal-awal khairul fahmi naek famous dlu tuh. sy x amek pot pon klo ade pempuan dok menggatal-gatal komen mnde x ptot kt gmbr dy or fesbuk dy (tp kalo sy di tempat tunang dy tuh sy da meninggal kot sbb hipertensi), tp bile terhadap seorang ustaz juga diperlakukan sebegitu...... 

hoh! wahai sekalian manusia, beradab lah kamu dan hormatilah ahli agama!

maa.. setakat keterujaan dan puja-pujaan maen-maen sesame kite xpe la juga, tp ble di post di tmpt public seperti fesbuk bagai, sy terasa mcm betapa tidak tahu malu dan melampaunya perangai orang-orang sekarang. at least, rase malu la sikit dgn org alim mcm tuh. kalau nk terlolong terlalang terlalak terhisteria dkt 2pm ke dbsk ke superjunior ke, xpe le jugk, same 'standed', tapi kalau dekat seorang ustaz....homaigod!

hah, melalut lagi.maap le sy mmg suke melalut. melalut is my hobby, melalut is my passion. but please dun hate me bcoz of that. but u can hate me bcoz i'm pretty.lol. pretty funny.

p/s- sabishii plak aq dok siyes tnye soklan kt twitter xd org nk reply. hampeh btol.

p/s2- malu jugk ble post fakta salah dkt fesbuk. cisss aq teruja sgt smpi x sempat nk cek btol ke tidak. hampeh btol-btol.

p/s3- hangin jugk bile org x reply msg aq ble aq mmg tnga tunggu dgn muke teruja beria mcm nih, 

tros muke aq jd mcm nih,

tunggu aa nnt aq balas balik..... mitai na kanji.

 tp dendam berdendam tu bedosa.. urgh.hampehsssssssss.