i am not stupid. i am workaholic. so what?

mari merungut tentang kenkyuu.

dua tiga menjak ni da jarang jumpe kgkwn melayu selain inche osmet, jd proses melepaskn stress tu agak kurang. jadi, mari melepaskannya di belog. ehem ehem, wat ayat poyos sket, belog i suke hati i lah. haha.

*terase gedip*

dis week 2 kali zemi, sebagai pengganti 10hari xd zemi haritu. zemi first, sensei saaaaangatlah x berpuas hati as if i were doing nothin. tiada progress yg dy harapkn.

next zemi proceed 2hari selepasnya which was yesterday. i've tried to give my best. sume org kt lab tu pon tau what did i do, seriously memang muke ini yg jd penghuni tetap lab tuh. 5days per week, pagi ke malam. yea, i know, org laen kt dai laen or myb kt lab laen lg lah, smpi weekend pn kne pegi lab, n blik malam tu adalah hal normal. 

but not for us. seriously.

my friend sorang tu, hari ada zemi jek dy dtg lab tunjuk muke. dtg 2jam awal mcm tu, pastu dok skecth2 draft paper nk present kt sensei. n everytime i tnye 'how's the progress?', i'll get d same answer, 

'zenzen susundenai yo~~'

well, org jepun kn. kdg2 mulut jek ckp lgsg xd progress gtu, but then i took a look at her program. serius, memang sebaris pn x bertambah since mid-term presentation hari tu which has been about a month ago.

wanna know the difference?

during this one month, i even have to change my software, start learning it from zero without any books, just online tutorial or something like that, have to transfer my previous model from the previous software to the new software which i have to sketch the model from zero, again. i'm doing the same thing, the same model which i had spent almost one semester to finish, but this time within a month, in fact a week.

'because u have done it before, i dun think u'll have any problem this time' - sensei said as he told me i need to change my software due to the lack of functionality for the previous one. and i just nodded. because, after all, it is for my own sake, and i have already promised myself that i would do my best for the final presentation, which mean, i need to work really hard for the remaining of my final year project.

then, there comes the jinx and some weird people who i dun even know why they do exist in this world.

'u're working too hard. u're stressing yourself too much..'

'ganbari sugi yarou.. yaranakutemo ii yo.. u take it so serious, majime da ne..

u dun have to do dat, u dun have to do dis, n bla bla bla n bla bla bla'

frankly speaking, i really hate this type of people. my most utterly ichiban dai dai dai hated phrase is 

'ganbari sugi yarou~~'

why do they have to co-exist in this world with me in the first place?

why? why do i have to encounter such of that people in my life?

maybe, i have to admit, 

i'm born workaholic.

when i am on something, especially when it is very clear to me that i have to bear any loss or failure if i'm not getting it right, then, i am really giving my hundred percents for it. 

for example, if i have any exams.

it is very very much clear to me that if i fail that exam, or if i can't manage to have good score, good result, i'll have to face the circumstance such as mental disruption (as i can't handle failure that well), or have to repeat the paper, or might be worse, have to face the repeat year risk, n etc. this kind of aftereffect is so much clear even the dumbest person on earth can think of them. so, i'll try my best not to fail. either i want to study harder to decrease my possibility of failure, or i'll just do it on 'lek-lek ah' mode and think about the result later, the choice is all mine.

as i am not stupid, i'll choose to study hard, give it the best, as i dun want to regret it later.

same goes with the kenkyu.

it is all in me, all in my hand. either i want to go to the lab everyday and do the kenkyuu majimeni, wholeheartedly, or just do it so-so, show your face to the sensei once a week, attend lab only for zemi, the choice is all depend on me. i know, maybe, after i grad and i start to work at the company, this my final year project might be nothing to me as well to my work, but, who knows, maybe, through the process of i'm giving my best to do it well, i would get something much more useful for my future. instead of just thinking this fyp as your ticket for your graduation, why not making it more meaningful as an unforgettable stage in your life which teach u lesson to live better?

and that is what i am trying to do. instead of just take it as a ticket for graduate, i want to make it more like my own life for this one year, that's why i need to give it my best. i dun want to look like a fool when people ask me what i am doing within this one year and the thing that i can only say is ' i dunno lah. just spending time buang masa kt lab. i dunno what i am doing. n bla bla bla.'

at least, i want to appreciate my own pride and soul by being able to say

 'oh.. i studied about dis bla bla thing, dat bla bla model, then, bla bla program'

it is not wrong to have such desire right?

after all, life is just like that. all is depend on yourself, either u want to make it so much valuable and something u can be proud of, or else, u leave any space for regret after passing half of your ages, it is all depend on u. 

this kind of mind thinking is so much reminding me of my interview session with the company representatives  during the career fair. they asked me about this kind of thing. the choices.

well, if u are not stupid, then prove it by choosing your path wisely.

kembali kepada topik.

kenkyuu is penat. n bertambah penat bile sensei dok push kite mcm kite xwat ppe, padahal depan mata kite berlambak orang laen yg memang xwat pape. well, think positive, sensei trust kite to do well. so, of course, he'll put extra expectation, and to answer that expectation we have to do it really well according to his pace. 

ganbare wawa! 

actually, u do enjoy this phase of your life kan?

yep, i'm loving it. just, once a while i got tired and that is the time when i need to muntahkan ia di belog ini. hew3.

jya!

minna mo ganbare!

kombo October! ;)

fuuuh fuuuh~ *efek sound tiup habuk di belog*

lama betul x menaip kan? teiuka, berabad jugaklah langsung x menjenguk belog nih. hehe. almaklumlah, orang meningkat dewasa yg semakin bz, sila memahami. huahuahua.

well, seperti biasa. bg hapdet kombo sikit penoh dgn gambar. thehe.

sambutan aidilfitri 2012, 6th October.

kami kelihatan sebaya kn? oh yg belakang tudung pink tu la yg paling kakak. kak azri. ngehehe.

welcoming the autumn season, season of love, autumn in my heart kengkonon.

so called mysterious flower, aki no kaori.

and also the beginning of my hectic life - two weeks of a real 4th year student's life.

zentai zemi, 18th October.

zemi -- rehearsal -- zemi -- rehearsal -- zemi -- rehearsal -- zemi -- rehearsal

sampai muntah.

2nd final rehearsal chuukan, 22th October.

yeah, i'm a student. giat berusaha demi chuukan happyo. iro iro yg berlaku, penat, taihen, frust, down, saket hati, semuanya memang x indah langsung. 

oh, yg indah ialah hubungan kami semua semakin baek, especially dgn 3 lelaki2 jepang tuh. baru mula merasa seperti kawan. eheh, bespren tros kot.huahua.

sempaaattt..... haruslah sempat kan?

huahuahua. bergaman jugak lah, langsung xd mse nk melayan youtube ke drama ke, pape lah. sepanjang mse mngadap pasokon kt lab dgn programming bagai, jgn haraplah blik rumah nk mengadap skrin pc lg kn?

i have my final rehearsal today, 26th October.

yet, it was hari raya aidiladha. 

proudly wearing baju kurung to the lab, and do the presentation.

alhamdulillah, berkat hari raya haji agaknya, sensei lembut hati. and i'm done by 3 o'clock in the evening. rushing back home for doing some preparation for senpai's open house.

senpai's open house.

i guess this year's color theme is pink. and btw, i ended up bring nothing to senpai's house since my cake was still baking in the oven. too much thing happen, i couldn't find the cornflour for the cake's ingredient, i broke my hand mixer, i even cut my finger. guess because it's been too long since i've been in the kitchen. haha.

3hours before the presentation, 27th October.

xtahulah nak ckp cuak ke tidak sbnanye, tp berusaha sedaya upaya jugaklah untuk menyumbat nan n kari ke dalam mulut walaupun hakikatnye perut xd la lapa sgt.

soro soro jikan da!

sempat berposing d depan cermin dlm lif, lab i kn tingkat8. hehe. spotted muka cuak di situ. hueh2.

well.. haruslah rse cuak utk berpresent di depan khalayak umum kan, tambahkan pulak dgn bkn mother tounge, mahupun mother's angkat tounge (english). makanya, wajarlah utk jantung ini berdetap2 sket kn.hueh2.

alhamdulillah!!

yatto owatta ze...~! (owh sume org simbol peace jek yg mmpu)

alhamdulillah Tuhan permudahkan. walaupun sy pn xtahu ap yg sy jwb mse sensei tnye soalan, then ad satu ketika yg sy hanya mampu menjawab 'soudesune... soudesune...' smpi tbe2 da abes mse.

tp xp, toriaezu, chuukan koetekita yo~~

mata, kimatsu ganbarou!

tp, sebelum itu, 28th October.

berpoya-poyalah sikit. theeeheeee....

sehari selepas tamatnya chuukan happyou. huahuahua.

iAllah, untuk kimatsu akn cuba wat sebaik yg mungkin supaya kesilapan mengatur masa time chuuukan ni xkn berulang lg. siyesly, sy xnk spend wiken kt lab, sy xnk celik mata lab, pejam mata lab, mari mengusir budaya hidup seperti robot!

makanya, korekara chanto yatte, jikken mo shikkari shite, iA ii kekka wo dasareru youni~

nwy, entry yg meleret dgn lambakan kombo gmbr2, maaflah.

tanda2 penuaan gamoknye, da smakin mls nk menulis. huih3.

31st October.

oh, dan ini, gmb latest.

fresh dari ladang, beberapa jam yg lalu. hui3.

konon2 nk berkouyou.. tgok2 mmg batang pokok dgn lalang nk mati yg penoh, sejok over kot eyh taon nih. hehe.

anyway, babai october,

and

happy november!!

tentang dia - gigi.

curiosity.

so i googled it.

shinkei tourimasu? shinkei torimasu? docchi?

(lalu kot saraf? cabut saraf? which one?)

inilah masalahnya apabila kita berada bukan di bumi sendiri. haih, hujan emas di negeri orang sungguhlah, sampai saket pon nak kne google bersungguh.

"da tau akan ada 'shinkei touru'?" akak nurse b'tanya kepada inche doktor.

"da, last week da bgtaw da. worst-case situation, akan ada 'shinkei touru'" inche doktor menjawab smbil mencucuk-cucuk gigi saya. berdas-das suntikan bius nmpknye hari ni.

di kiri ku akak nurse, di kanan ku inche doktor, dan sy terbaring tengah2 da kebas xley nk buat apa. mereka lagut berbual di atas muka sy. then, akak nurse pandang muka sy smbil b'tnye, "ok ke?". sye mengangguk mcm x berapa nk angguk. sedikit berkerut. sebenarnya dalam kepala ligat memproses perkataan 'shinkei touru', apakah ia sebenarnya? why sounds so serious? adakah sy salah dngar or salah faham?

aahh.. da x kesahlah apa inche doktor tu nk wat kt gigi sy, yg penting, lepas ni da xnk saket da.

extravaganza la jugak mesin-mesin gerudi inche dentist minggu ni, x mcm minggu lepas. well, i guess minggu lepas gigi kecik, minggu ni gigi geraham, kne work hard sket ye dak?

selesai proses mesin dan gerudi, inche doktor sempat bagi amanat,

"nnt kite produce ubat, bile saket makan ye. and next week u have to dtg lg ye"

inche doktor ensem lagi baek hati. huahuahua.

sbb curious, so balik2 smpi umah sy terus google.

hoh! ini rupanya yg doktor tu lakukan.

ROOT CANAL TREATMENT!

so, bliaw cabut saraf gigi sy!

shinkei tourimasu jyanakute, shinkei torimasu. shokku.

sepanjang mereka beroperasi dlm mulut sy, sy hanya ingatkan prose gerudi2 ni akan lalu kot saraf since kecederaan gigi agak dalam, so, akan ad berdarah-darah la nnt. and doktor tu pun siap bubuh kapas tebal dlm mulut sy, so i was thinking that kapas-kapas tu memang utk serap darah yg bakal 'terpancut' kua. sy siap dok imagine lagi how would i react if i happen to see those darah-darah tuh.would i fall into pitam or i'd be steady like, 'eleh, darah..'. oh i dun think so.

but then, x sempat le plak nk tgok kapas2 berdarah nye pon. dan sekejap jek plak proses menampal nye. minggu lepas bukan maen lagi dy tarik n balut2 mcm plaster gitu punya la nk bg melekat kan.

so, curious punye pasal, sy pn gugel..

homaigaddd.. dy cabut urat saraf gigi tuh utk prevent infection.

'to cure the infection and save the tooth, the dentist drills into the pulp chamber and removes the infected pulp and then drills the nerve out of the root canal with long needle-shaped drills'

oh ia bunyinya agak ngeri.

ye, this is the needle yg doktor tu gune which i tot dy nga cuci ruang antara gigi sy jek. huhu. menyimpang jauh sama sekali rupenye.

after removing as much of the internal pulp as possible, the root canal can be temporarily filled with calcium hydroxice paste. this strong alkaline base is left for a week or more to disinfect and reduce inflammation in surrounding tissue *naruhodo.. that's why sy kne pegi lg next week.huhuu..*
after receiving a root canal, the tooth should be protected with a crown that covers the cusps of the tooth. 

also, root canal teeth tend to be more brittle than normal teeth because the blood supply to the tooth is removed during the root canal procedure, leaving the tooth without a source of moisture replenishment.
*okay, ini semakin mengerikan*

apabila sarafnya sudah tiada, maka kita xkn sedar gigi tu saket ke x sehat ke, makanya regular x-rays amat penting to ensure that the tooth is not having any problem yg kite x sedar.


the ngeri-est part is,
'after endodontic surgery the tooth will be 'dead', and if an infection is spread at apex, root end surgery is required.'

for some patients, root canal therapy is one of the most feared dental procedures - patutlah! akak nurse sgt risau ble tengok muka sy yg semacam xd perasaan.
ye, ketahuilah wahai kakak, dek kerana sy x berapa nk faham bhse ni lah makanya muka sy x berperasaan. kalau sebelum pegi sy da tau awal2 doktor tu nk korek gigi sy smpi cabut urat sume, sy wat2 pengsan kt tengah jalan kot. huhu.


masih terkejut. tp bersyukur.
terkejut satu gigiku sudah tidak 'bernyawa'.
bersyukur sbb dari awal tu memang x faham bahasa.



p/s- ingat tu kawan-kawan, jgn makan aeskem sebelum tdo, jgn malas gosok gigi sebelum tdo. jgn menzalimi diri sendiri dgn pen'torture'an sebegini.

kokoro ga, karada ga, kimi wo oboeteiru~

mari berjiwang-jiwang sket nak?

whenever i wake up in the morning 
there's only your empty shells beside me

my back which used to feel your warmth, now it's cold

stop bitter smile, open that heavy curtain

it's like playing hide and seek everyday with so bright morning sunshine

your crying face and sunset on you on that day and warm feeling left on my shoulder

every time i wanna forget, my heart and my body still remember you

your love forever

with my eyes closed i'm drawing you, i'm just happy with that

although this season passes with my heart left behind

someday soon, will i be able to feel nothing of you?

or is it going to be good just to fall asleep with this pain?

that day which we cast our wishes on the starry sky

the light we've been seek is going deem and disappearing, but, my heart and my body is glowing by you

i wish forever

with my eyes closed i'm drawing you, that's the only thing i can do

although this season passes with my heart left behind

your love forever

with my eyes closed i'm drawing you, i'm just happy with that

although this season changes its color without me

i'm okay with just finding you in my memory

because the power to overcome this losing is from you

you gave it to me...

ye, lagu ni same dgn lagu kt tepi belog sy ni. tp ni version penyanyi asal, ken hirai. translation dy ad la serba sedikit seperti yg dicoret di atas. uhuk3.first time dnga lagu ni, sebak jek rse jantung. tp x sangka le plak ble tgok lirik dy memang sebak sesungguh. lagu sadis ni namanya.

thank God, we're kind of 'cerai-hidup'. even i lost him, i know he's still alive, breathing healthily somewhere out there on the globe, at least until the moment of which i care. unfortunately, there are still lots of people who's going through a 'cerai-mati' phase. honestly, i can't even imagine how it would be if it was a 'cerai-mati' case for me. must feel hundreds time terrible then, i guess.

anyway, i dunno how others interpret this song, but for me, first time i sang this song with my friend, nantonaku i felt like this song is written by a  husband/bf whose wife/gf had passed away. huk3. sadis kan?

berdoa sgt kt Tuhan, mintak simpang dijauhkan daripada dugaan sebegitu.

tokorode, esok nk g tgok yakyu kt stadium mazda! weeeeee~~hu. fes time kot! :D

random #1

'writing is the anti-dote for the loneliness'  - homaigadd really?? i hvn't been writing for ages since my last post nearly about a month ago. is this a really good sign? thehe. there's no more word loneliness in my life's dictionary (oh no.i forgot how to spell 'dictionary'! thanks to the computer and software engineers who were sooo genius solving the algorithm and so on to create this spelling checker function program. i had that kind of task for programming last semester, and seriously no kidding, they were toooo impossible to think! salute for those engineers!)

so, a little update of myself, not for my small amount of readers, but just something for me to refer to. i dun really know whats am i up to lately. 

i am in my final year now, production system engineering laboratory, and maybe my final year project will be about supply chain in asia, or product management and inventory simulation for asia or bla3 that i dun really know. one thing for sure, there will be 'asia' in it. and yeah, i am an engineering student yet there's about 60~70% of my lab's projects are dealing with economy and business. whatever.. i really love what i am doing right now! thanks God for giving me the best for me. seriously i really enjoy every single day at lab even there's nothing much to do there since i dun have laptop, and i'm spending my time almost on reading the thesis and once a while twittering through my phone.hehe.

saijou is not the same anymore. everyone is keep changing, yeah some being better, while there's some getting weirder. i just wish i could spend my last year here peacefully. and in order not to regret my life here later, i would like to create much more colorful experiences with those awesome people here. be positive because u are invulnerable - a phrase i had read somewhere before.

last but not least. this is my latest favorite song. it keeps rolling and rolling in my head. i'm not a die hard fan for linkin park, but so far as my concern, i would say i like all of their songs. hehe.

pretty cool hu?

berita gumbira buat bonda

berita gumbira buat bonda #1

"ma, ye ad seprais nih," kataku penuh teruja, cuba memancing minat ibuku.

"seprais mende?" kedengaran nada ibu juge turut teruje di hujung talian.

...................................*silent.sje wat-wat suspen*

"ye balik bulan 3 nih. tee hee!" bunyi senyum kambeng.

"ALHAMDULILLAHH......!" ucap ibu panjang.

lega beno bunyinye, takot beno dgn 'ugutan' anakandanye ini yg kunun-kunun nggak bisa pulang dek kebizian nk msok final year. *ecece bajet sket, iA mudah-mudahan bejaye msok 4nen*

hehe. rase kagum dan bangga plak wat sepraise gitu ke bonda ;))

berita gumbira buat bonda #2

"keputusan peksa dpt dok lg?" soal ibuku penuh innesen. *setiap kali call bliaw mmg suke tnye sal peksa*

"peksa taon ble pulok ni ma.." soalku agak ketensenan dek soklan same evrytime tepon.

"peksa bile-bile la yg ma dok tau lg," jwb ibuku pelahan.

alamak rse bedose plak terkasaq dgn bunda.

cepat-cepat cari idea ameh hati balik!

"ye dapat nombor SATU ma..!" cuba naikkan mud bunda balik.

"iye?? bape org sume murid?" ibu teruja.

"kikiki....", suara gelak kambeng lg.

"alhamdulillah... baguih rope itu, idok sia-sia ma berdoa siang malam utk anok ma nih, ma tau anok ma semang(memang) buley buat...," ibu mula berceloteh panjang.

........................................*siyesly tu jokin ma*

"ma, tu zmn skola buley la ma. ni doh masok unibesiti dgn budok-budok jepong lagi rope mane le ye nk dpt nombor satunye..ye bahase orang jepong pon  x bpe lepah lg," laju ku memintas.

"lorh, ngape gituh?" terkedu ibuku.

"ma, nombor bukan segala-galanye ni ma," aku cube mengcover ekceli.huuhu.

"atenye nombo brape ler nih?" soal ibu meminta kepastian, x berpuas hati dgn jwpnku nmpknye.

"aish.. nombor tuttt!" aku akhirnye beralah.

"sume bpe orang?" oloh ma ni, tok puah hati klo xto bpe org belakang anok die nih.

"ade le dlm tuttt uttt org," jawabku acuh x acuh.

.................................*time ni bunda pulak yg diam utk wat aku suspen*

"ALHAMDULILLAH jugak..idok le terok sgt tuh, kate nombor bukan segalanye kan.. xpe, ramai lagi kat belakang tuh.. ," ayat feberet bunda setiap kali aku x dpt tempat tiga teratas. (padahal bunda yg frust lebey sebenonye.haha!)

("ma, nombor tuttt tu pon da kire ok la ma, anok org sebeloh tuh.. bla bla bla " <---- ayat feberet aku mse skola menengah dlu.haha. eyh skunk xdek la.hehe.)

"xpe la, yg penting belajo kerana Allah ta'ala. betoi niat ikhlas duduk negeri orang sbb nak belajo, nnt Tuhan tolong..bla bla bla", smbung ibu lagi.

"eyh ni keputusan peksa bile nih?" haa, baru nak tanye.

"taon lepas.haha! sem baru ni tok peksa pon lagi ma..."

bunda tergamam.hehe.

berita gumbira buat bonda #3

"ma, ye x kawan dgn dy dah," perlahan ku mulakan bicara.

"sape?" soal bunda buat-buat tanya.cess.cess.

"hok tu la..mane ada orang laen lagi," balasku sambil lewa.

"nape tok kawan dah? dy ade yg laen? ke kamu yg ada yg laen? " 

aduh, tajam soalanmu bunda.

"ma ingat anok ma ni jahat sgt ke nk berkawan banyok jantan?" soalku agak tidak puas hati.

"dy baek kn orangnye, ma tau, xkn dy nk bekawan dgn org laen.. ma tau la.." kata ibuku lagi.

"Tuhan lagi tau ma..," balasku perlahan.

"tahu ape?"

"ape yg terbaek untuk hambaNya," noktah.

berita gumbira buat bonda #4

"milah da nak kawen bulan tiga ni ma," ayat pancing nak minx kawen.lol.

"milah mane? kawan yg mse kt kolumpo dlu tuh?" soal ibu cuba mengingati.

"aah"

"sebaya kamu kan?" soal ibu lagi, tidak pecaye.

"aah"

"nok kawen? dgn sape? budak sebaye? kenal laki die? org mane?" tu diaaa bertubi-tubi kalah melodi!

"kenai laa doh kawan skali. sekali same-same kt kolumpo nun dulu," aku berbicara ikot lenggok bunda.

"awalnye dy kawen. abeh blajo da?"

"ye x abeh lg, dy pon same le x abeh lagi. ma ponn..logik sket!" ma i ni mmg begini.heh.

"atenye rope mane kawen tu smbil belajo?"  ibu masih lagi x pecaye nmpknye.

"pandei la deme nun. lgpon, ap mslhnye kawen dlm blajo ni ma. Tuhan suke lagi, xdek org nk buat maksiat, trend kot skunk ni ma" aku cube mencucuk jarum.

"laen bunyik. kamu nk kawen jugk ke?" ha! finally!

"tee heee.." bunyi senyum kambing.

"kawen dgn sape?"

"ma cari la, kalo buley bg hok ensem sikit, x blajo tinggi-tinggi pon xpe.hehe," konon-konon buat-buat tersipu.ceyh,nyampess.

"hurmmm....anok pok said nak? pok said ade bertanye pasal kamu dlu," hamboihh... kencang haih!

"bile bile?" aku naik teruja tahap petala ketujuh.

"mase kamu kt kolumpo dlu la tapinye....," terdengar suara ibuku terkekek gelak.

ceyh ceyttt caittte! ~ tiga empat taon lepas. anok orang tu pon ntah-ntah da kawen dgn org laen da pon, da beranak-pinak. haduihh la bunda.

i lap u la bunda, from head to toe!

anak bunda, haruslah ada rupa bunda, iye dop?

ni la bunda i, walo bliaw x vogue x glemer mcm bunda-bunda u all, i sayang my bunda beri much.

p/s- skrip tiada kaitan dgn yg hidup maupun telah meninggal dunia. segalanya rekaan semata-mata.hihi.isi mase lapang. ;p

alim di fesbuk?

isu sensitip, sy tau.

tp setelah bertaon-taon terbenam dlm sanubari, keinginan dan keberanian untuk menyuaraknnya secara terbuka akhirnya muncul tiba. wohhaa ayat xbley bla sket.

sy akui ade ketika sy naik muak dan mual membaca pelbagai jenis dan variasi status-status alim di fesbuk. tanda iman level secubit garam ke agaknya? tp sy naik menyampah dan menyumpah juga tatkala terbaca status carut-marut maki-memaki yg sy rse x wajar dikongsikan di laman muka buku tersebut. tolak tepi status yang sy-mls-nk-komen setiap saat setiap ketika bercerita ttg kerinduan terhadap ajnabi yg wallahualam status halal haramnya (nauzubillah, sy pon penah wat...deep silent).

maa, nmpk mcm iitai kotonye sy x ske bce sttus org kt fesbuk le plak..haha!

bukan begitu.

arini sy nk cerita pasal status alim-alim jek. hehe.

apa sebenarnya tujuan mencoret status-status alim di fesbuk nih?

jujur seikhlas hati - menyuarakan kerinduan pada Ilahi, penyesalan terhadap kekhilafan diri, penghambaan abdi terhadap al-Khaliq sang pencipta, etc etc etc.

alhamdulillah...

"kalo cmtu awat nk bising-bising p habaq orang kt fesbuk bagai? dok diam senyap-senyap g amek tikaq semayang doa ngadap Tuhan sudah la..." - somewhat agreed.

andai benar rindu itu pada sang pencipta, well said, instead of stiap saat dok hapdet-hapdet kt sttus fesbuk dan mengundang 'fitnah', bukankah ada baiknya rasa hati itu disalurkan melalui perbuatan dgn ibadah solat, mengaji atau berzikir. 

'fitnah' apa yg sy maksudkan?

"nak tunjuk alim le tuh.."

"wat sttus alim nnt bru ramai org like, xde la sabishii sgt.."

"yg pempuan nk tarik perhatian lelaki baik-baik, yg laki nk tarik perhatian pempuan yg molek-molek.."

etc bla bla bla

teringat kawan sy pesan, kalo nk amek masa utk solat time hari ada kelas, kalau boleh, cuba smyg dlm wktu rehat tu je, jage wudhu' sebaiknya supaya xperlu amek mse extra utk berwhudu bagai. supaya kita x menimbulkan fitnah terhadap agama - takot nnt sume org pk, kite mengambil masa org laen sbb kite solat, so org laen yg kafir-kafir semua ni perlu tunggu kita, org lain yg perlu padankan masa dgn kita, bkn kite yg perlu menghormati masa mereka. 

'kita lmbt msok kelas pon xpe, sbb kite solat' - amai kangaekata. yes, kite sedang menjaga hubungan dgn Allah, tp bukankah Allah juga menyarankn kite menjaga hubungan sesama manusia? menghormati hak-hak yg perlu. kalo da terpaksa tu lain cerita la plak.

berbalik kepada citer asal, iitai kotonya di sini - elakkan fitnah yg berpunca dari diri kita sendiri. mungkin niat kita memang ikhlas sekadar mahu berkongsi perasaan di fesbuk, atau mungkin lebih baik, ingin mengingatkn org-org lain di fesbuk ttg Allah, tapi biar sesuai gayanya.

paling penting - actions have to speak louder than words. 

dok pegi pom pam pom pam berderu hapdet status alim-alim di fesbuk tp kite ber yoya yoya x tentu ketika, ape cerita? siyes ckp, sy panas telinga panas hati jiwa raga (hiperbola tp its true) jugaklah kalau terbaca status-status yg dok ulas haram hubungan sebelum nikah kapling-kapling sume nih, tp si penulis kejap x kejap dok sakan post-ngepost sal pakwe/makwe dy. x ke rse mcm nk bg penampar?

orang-orang mcm ni la yg sebenarnya memburukkan imej para da'ie. seorang punya kes, semua jd nmpk sama. sebab nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga. ishh..melalut da sy nih.

ishh..gmbr xdek kaetan meyh..

tapi timbal baliknya pula, lebih enaklah berbicara ttg Tuhan daripada hal duniawi plak kn? sy bersetuju jugk dgn pandangan tuh. tp dlm ruang lingkup pemahaman sy - dakwah multimedia.

lain cara org yg berdakwah melalui fesbuk dgn cara org 'menunjuk alim melalui status fesbuk'. haaa.. bley x sy nk wat ayat cmtuh? haish, nk terang pun sy x reti. kesimpulannya, sy hanye ingin menyuarakan isi hati sanubari sy ni jek. iman level secubit garam kan, mungkin x berjaya nk menyucikan hati lagi utk berfikir positif terhadap semua benda.

tp cuba la jugk, mempositifkan diri - manusia mmg gemar mencoretkan isi hati. berkongsi segala rasa, tmbh-tmbh di ruang 'what's on your mind?' di fesbuk. sy akui sy pon same. espcially ketika di saat sy sgt lemah dan putus harap (bese time exam and due date repot progremin le nih) bertubi-tubi sy dok mengadu-domba kepada Tuhan MELALUI twitter dan fesbuk. harusnya sy bykkan berdoa dlm solat la kan, tp entah mengapa twitter secara x langsung menjadi medium penghubung sy dgn Allah. err..tp bukanlah niat sy nk tunjuk alim plak...huhu. mereka pon begitu kot kan..

kesimpulannye! - marilah berpk positif. sttus alim-alim tu x laen x bukan sekadar perkongsian yg secara x langsung mengajak kita untuk mengingati Tuhan juga. huhu. *speechless dgn dri sndri*

Flight 19 + segitiga bermuda.

smlm, drpd sibuk mencari tiket murah utk ke korea, termelencong plak ke pulau-pulau kecil n x diketahui asal-usul (owh geografi kami lemah), iaitu Guam, then termeleret ke Hawai n bla bla bla - smpi ke segitiga bermuda. jaoh x perjalanan?

tibe-tibe terasa sgt berminat utk mengetahui ttg segitiga misteri ini, lalu sy pn dgn tabah dan gigihnye mengoogle segala info yg ada, melompat dri satu laman sesawang ke laman yg laen, sehinggalah sy ketakutan sndri utk meneruskn. lalu sy berhenti, futon ditarik. tdo. nk dijadikn cerita, sedang asyik diulit mimpi, sy terasa dunia seakan bergoncang, katil seolah-olah digegar-gegarkan ke kiri ke kanan. terdetik di hati, adekah sy bermimpi dlm mimpi? (cuak igauan segitiga bermuda menerjah masuk alam separuh sedarku).

terdengar bunyi ketukan di pintu. suara inche rumet, 'wawa, bgn subuh. jishin la, menyirap darah i!' 

suara panik bliaw menerjah lubang telinga. ya Allah, alhamdulillah..nasib baik, di alam nyata rupanya. tp tercuak sikit di hati, dlm seminggu, dua kali peristiwa gempa bumi berlaku di bumi hiroshima ini, dan agak kuat sehingga mampu mengejutkn sy dr tdo (sy mmg susah nk terjaga) - peringatan Allah nk kejutkn sy subuh.

okey, kembali ke segitiga bermuda.

kenapa dinamakn segitiga? - sbb ia adalah kwsn perairan yg terbentuk drpd tiga titik sudut, Miami di Florida, Puerto Rico di Jamaica, dan Bermuda (for those yg xto, Bermuda adelah pulau di bwh kekuasaan British, just like Guam under US). dikatakn kisah segitiga bermuda ni bermula drpd catatan Christopher Columbus lg, siapa yg x kenal dgn Columbus? pelayar terkenal yg kte pernah blaja mse sejarah sekolah menengah dlu.

byk teori ttg kewujudan segitiga bermuda ini, x kiralah drpd cendekiawan barat, mahupun ilmuan2 islam sendiri. ad yg percaya segitiga bermuda ini adelah tmpt berpusatnya segala syaitan, sbb pertembungan arus sejuk dan panas, n bakal menjadi tmpt dajjal keluar. buku yg paling terkenal dlm menghuraikn persoalan ini adelah hasil tulisan penulis Mesir (rujuk sini), yg mana menyimpulkn dajjal adelah samiri - penyesat Bani Israel. x brani utk sy huraikn lebih sbb sy pon tersgtlah cetek dan sempit ilmunye. yg berminat lebih nk tau ttg dajjal, silelah google atau dptkn buku2 yg patut.

then teori laen, yg sy sndri akui sy agk percaya ialah ttg anomali magnetik-gravitasi - yg mne menghasilkn satu daya tarikn yg sgt kuat yg mmpu utk menarik segala objek yg menghampirinya. maka, tidak hairanlah semua kapal-kapal n pesawat boleh hilang tnpa meninggalkn kesan. tapi, untuk  dibuktikn secara saintifik, mungkin x ada lagi para ilmuan yg mmpu melakukannya. 

kite tinggalkn ttg idea-idea fantasi lain ttg wujudnye perkampungn alien di situ, ad medan masa ttg pelangkauan waktu, sisa-sisa penduduk atlantis yg dikatakn terbenam suatu ketika dlu. klo nk dipikikn dgn akal waras, bkn kah x tercapai? tp klo kte berpikir out of the box, mungkin ad, Tuhan punya kuasa, wallahualam.

tp yg lebih menarik minat sy ialah Flight 19. serius imej dlm kepala - final destination.

sepanjang 'pencarian' sy, kisah yg pling berbekas di jiwa ialah ttg kehilangan 5 pesawat US ketika sesi latihan, juga sebuah pesawat penyelamat yg turut hilang dlm usaha mencari mereka tnp dapat dikesan pada 5 Disember 1945.

jiwa rse sebak bila yg dipersalahkn adalah ketua mereka, Leftenan Taylor, yg dikatakn tersalah guide anak2 buahnye sehingga menyebabkn kelima-lima pesawat tersebut terbang semakin menjauhi darat ketika mereka tersesat akibat kompas-kompas yg tidak berfungsi secara tiba2 (ad teori mengaitkn dgn medan magnetik segitiga bermuda yg menyebabkn sume kompas x berfungsi). mungkin ad unsur bias n tokok tmbh, sy pn x tahu, tp tentera laut US mengeluarkn laporan 500 mukasurat menghuraikan siasatan dan pencarian terbesar dlm sejarah dunia itu - yg mne betul-betul meletakkn kesalahn di bahu Taylor.

x dpt dibygkn perasaan keluarga Taylor pd mse itu, di saat mereka kehilangan anak- hilang tnpa diketahui punca, dituduh pule sebagai penyebab kehilangan 26 lelaki yg lain. teringat filem national treasure, yg mne dlm salah satu movienye mengisahkn ttg keluarga watak utama dituduh sebagai penderhaka yg terlibat dlm konspirasi membunuh presiden amerika syarikat, abraham lincoln suatu ketika dahulu. serius mmg terkesan di hati bile tgok penderitaan yg mereka terpksa tanggung, penerimaan org sekeliling terhadap mereka, n dlm kes keluarga Taylor, mungkin mereka terpaksa berhadapan dgn 26 keluarga-keluarga yg lain.

sy cuba mencari lebih lanjut ttg Taylor dan juga keluarganye, tp x jumpe ap sy cri. jd, pencarian ttg Taylor bernoktah di sini.

nama yg seterusnye menarik perhatian sy - Marine Corporal Allan Kosnar.

satu-satunye lelaki yg terselamat dlm skuad tersebut. nasib menyebelahinye, atau mungkin betul dy ad 6th sense, dy menarik dri last minit, menyebabkn salah satu pesawat tu kekurangan crew. ape yg terjadi kepadanye, dan ap responnye slepas peristiwa ni berlaku, serius sy sgt nk tahu, tp x jumpe plak.

sy dpt bygkn hidupnye huru-hara dan x setenang sebelumnye, kn?

ke sy yg byk terpengaruh dgn filem-filem fantasi cm final destination tuh?

menyayat hati bile terbaca yg Taylor pun rupa-rupanye nk menarik dri jugk, tp sbb dy chief n pilot, yg mne perlu ad pengganti klo nk tarik dri, then xd org nk gnti, maka dy terpaksa pegi.

haish, lihatlah para manusia sekalian, menjadi seorang ketua itu bukanlah mudah. apa-apa yg terjadi, kesalahn akn digendong di bahu kita - sesuai ke pengajaran arini?

10 hari lagi menjelang ulang tahun peristiwa misteri ni. sy terjumpe artikel news tentang waris-waris ahli tentera yg terlibat dlm misi tersebut berkumpul memperingati peristiwa tersebut setiap tahun - memorial service turut diadakn oleh navy US.

apa pun yg berlaku, walaupun x mmpu dihuraikan dgn akal logik, selaku umat Islam, seharusnye kite berpegang dgn kepercayaan -tiada apa yg mustahil, segalanya boleh berlaku dlm redha kekuasaan Allah.

ngeri dan misteri.

semoga kisah-kisah begini mmpu memperingatkn kita dgn yg pencipta, amin.

untaian jiwe

while i'm trying my best to open up, trying to overlook what u had done, trying to find at least if there are still little tiny chances of us getting back together again, trying to take half of the blame on mine, why wouldn't u support me?

it just makes me feel miserable, and convincing me even more that i'm doing the right thing right now.

yeah, i'm in the right path. 

be strong, myself. the bright future ahead is waiting for you in the front. it is not only you who's heartbroken today. people meet, people fall in love, but then half of them going separate ways. even a happy ending itself is such an unimaginable beginning. even lots of marriage couples have had the hard time dealing with divorce and bla bla bla.

so, get hold of yourself, the world is not revolving just around you. 4years is such a small number compared to 18years of your singular life. so, what makes you think you can't?

be alert, be prepared, be strong, be wise.

so, this is the end of the end. really, happy ending - they live happily ever after. 

go get your life, myself.

an ending towards a new beginning.

forgive and forget.

shikkari shiro myself!

'love is going, love is leaving

one person, and one love

everything that i've been used to

i should erase u after tonight

yes, i should face myself to erase you

i should do... lalalala~'

- keep hitting my head la diz song! by CNBlue :))

first day schooL

hari pertama bersekolah - huuuu..dlm keadaan x bersemangat pon tp first time kertas penuh amek nota. yeah, ini yg kita mau!

seperti biasa, cuba sedaya upaya meminimakn perbualan dgn kgkwn japanese sbb sedar diri nihonggo sendiri berada di level cap ayam. same old me, same old prob. cmne nk amek ikkyu (exam level kefasihan bahasa jepun tahap pling tinggi) sem ni nih..jishinn naii naa..

anyway, seperti sem-sem yg lalu, hari pertama menjejakkn kaki ke sekolah, mesti terasa sprti menjadi tumpuan semua, espc di dalam kelas. sensei yg dua tiga kali pandang kite since kte sorang jek foreigner, student japanese laen yg mata mencuri-curi pandang dgn muka di dahi seolah-olah bertempek persoalan 'ade lagi budak gaijin sorang nih..?'

eyh, cube husnuzzon wawa. sebulan lebih x jupe, diorang sje jek la tuh nk tgok muke.hoho.

hari pertama - satu kelas jek. huerm, memang sngt memahami kemalasan jiwa ni nk ke sekolah. anyway, semua orang sedang sibuk bercakap tentang result exam masing-masing. ada yg berjaya dgn yushuunye memperoleh result cemerlang, tidak kurang juge yg agak bernasib kurang baik. 

utk mereka yg yushuu dgn jayanye - congratulations! mesti puas hati giler kn sbb titik peluh keringat sendiri membuahkn hasil.

bagi mereka yg kurang bernasib baik - jgn berputus asa, n x salah utk down seketika. tapi dgn syarat, utk sem baru ni, dan juge sem-sem yg akan datang, mari lakukannye dgn usaha yg berganda. iA mane nk tahu, rezeki kita dtg lambat sket, who knows kn..

bg dri sndri pule , uish masih berdebar dup dap dup dap lg. sensei xmo reply mail le plak, merajuk ke hape orang tua tuh. eyh, dy xd la tua sgt. tp tuh la, sy x amek result lagi sbb sensei x reply mail sy. huhu. dy tensen kot sbb sy salu blik lmbt cni, m'ganggu urusan dy jek  utk setelkan hal anak-anak buah dy yg ramai nih.

i'm sorry la sensei.

ape-apepun, tolonglah, merayu anda semua, doakan sy ye!

dlm keadaan dri yg byk dosa ni, sgt cuak sebenarnye kalau Tuhan tiba-tiba nak tarik nikmat sy.huhuhu.

mintak simpang dijauhkn.

anyway, sbgi closure, sje nk letak sket pic sy dgn adek sedare, hehe. rse entry amat kosong dan x bape manis x cukup gula kalo x selit gmbr, wlopon xd kaetan.hehe.

name dy farhana, umur 18, tp we used to call her k.yOng since dy anak sulung.

org kampung ckp, we look alike, cm adek beradek.

well, since datuk moyang sme kn, mst la ada genetik tersame.

p/s - x pandai nk agak ketebalan baju yg perlu dipakai ke sekolah dgn suhu yg x bape nk menentu skunk ni. x pasal-pasal pegi sekolah dgn idong meleleh ingus td.huh!

some iodine for her :)

assalamualaikummmmm sume!

hoh, bru nk hapdet belog setelah berhabuk dua tiga hari. so sorrry, dun hate me bcoz i'm beutipul (uwek uwek nk muntah buleyh aje)

so, how's Malaysia??

ye, sesi pengulangan di sini, tiket balik sy lambat lagi. ad bnyk lg mase utk sye troskn lagu kris dayanti iaitu menghitung hari,hoh. mmg sgt sgt khatam kot lagu nih... but then, biasalah, bile blik lambat nih, utk mengelakkn dri syndrom down akibat gejala kebosanan berlebihan, berfoya-foya sakanlah smbil duet yg mmg semulajadi tanah rata tu ditarah lagi smpi jadi berlompang ke dalam, bak kata ahli mathematikus bijak pandai - negatif.

speaking about negative - saying no instead of yes, choosing can't instead of can.

if i could ever lie to her how easy it was to overcome all of this

if i could ever shout in his face n tell him how silly he was - and i wish i could give him some surprises too, myb few slaps in his face (for sure la i can't)

but of course i'm not that b*tch by hoping for his death, nauzubillah..always pray for the good thing for both of them.

'lelaki sume keparat, x gune!!'

'lelaki sumenye sama. ble nak, merayu dtg menyembah syg, ble da dpt, sume ala kadar, ble nk buang, 'kte xd jodoh kot'. happpp tuihh!'

'ampeh tol mamat x gune nih. cmni la laki!'

'for god sake i'll never believe in love anymore. guys just makes me wanna die'

-sume salah lelaki-

(dialog di atas dikutip ketika sy berbelogwalking spnjg malam.melompat dari belog ke belog indah jugk sebenarnye)

why?

cinta datang tanpa diundang. cinta pergi tanpa diusir. 

cinta lahir tanpa dipinta. cinta mati tanpa diduga.

tapi, hati manusia kan dipegang penciptanya, hati saya, hati kamu, hati dia, juga hati mereka, mereka, dan mereka.

cinta manusia penguat jiwa. cinta ya Rabb pelengkap segala. bukankah ajal maut jodoh pertemuan di tangan Tuhan?

and yeah, its not dat easy actually. jiwa raga di luar kawalan kita. ikut hati mati, ikut rasa binasa. ikut akal? penat plak nk rangka teori. kesimpulannya, ikut keadaan lah senang..

wish i could be the plaster for ur wound - i won't let u bleed.

wish i could be the thread - the strongest one for ur scars won't open again

wish i could be the time - i would run fast, faster than the lightning for ur bad dreams to fade away in a blink

even if i'm not anything, i'm a friend.

and u know what does it mean right?

lunyai pon lunyai la :D

owh sye da kurang menulis kan lately nih? *bertanya kepada diri sendiri*

nak kate bnyk keje, alhamdulillah da berkurang dah. rse mcm da kembali ke dunia asal, merayap-rayap mcm kutu rayap sbb xd mende nk wat.

eyh tapi lusa ad exam lagilah.hehe.

orang kata kalau x tahu jangn segan bertanya. kalau malu bertanya nanti sesat jalan.

err. sye ni kategori pemalu jugak orangnye *eceh, ad ke org pemalu nk mengaku pemalu? ntah2 sbb pemalu sgt smpi malu nk mengaku diri sndri tu pemalu, kn?*

tinggalkn bab malu pemalu. tapi kalau ditanya, sye mmg tergolong dlm org2 yg malu bertanya. err, rephrase sket, 'malas bertanya'.

 

[kredit gmb] *rse nk lempang tgok singa nih*

kenapa mls bertanya?

well. sbb mendokusai. menyusahkan, bkn sje pihak yg ditanya tapi juga pihak yg bertanya (err.dlm hal ni sye la kan?). kadang2 mende yg ditanya tu kalau kite amek mse setengah jam pikir betul2, iA myb buleyh diselesaikn dgn akal fikiran sndri. tp, ble da msok pihak kedua (pihak yg ditanya), x pasal2 jd 2jam, betul x? tapi, kalau da pikir sepuluh hari pon x dpt2 lg jwpnye jgn la degil sgt xnk tanya sape2, tu bodoh sombong namenye.haha.*jgn terasa spe2*

diakui, ada la jugak bertanya itu memudahkn. soalan yg kite pk sejam boleh diselesaikn dlm mse seminit ble kte tnye org, tp tgok jugk orgnye jenis mcm mne kn. kalo org open minded mls nk layan a.k.a 'baek hati bertempat', dy bg jek kite tiru homework dy kn, haa, mudah xyah peluh2 pk. errr, ni msok bab tiru la plak.lari tajuk plak, ok2, patah balik naik track.

[kredit gmb]

arini bising2 dok ckp pasal tanya2 ni kenapa plak kn..

sebenarnye arini sye lunyai dikerjakan dek TA sye. TA tu teacher's assistant. wat jikken programming td la. huuuuu... di depan sume org, sye disoal seketul-seketul, sebijik-sebijik, dari A to Z hanya dek kerana sye mengaku sy agak kurang FAHAM sikit nagare program tuh.

haaa...TA sy yg baek ht ni ap lg, sensitif sket dgn word FAHAM nih, lantas diasaknye sy dgn soalan-soalan yg perghhhh buat sye berpeluh-peluh di depan kelas. kwn sy yg laen terkebil tidak bersuara sbb x mampu nk membantu apa-apa (sbb sy sgt yakin kalau mereka di tmpt sy pon deme x dpt jwb nye).

sy tidaklah membenci TA itu, apetah lagi berasa 'terhina' diperlakukan sebegitu di depan kelas kerana sy tahu niat baiknye utk bagi sye faham hundred percent apa yg sedang sy lakukan. sy terima dgn hati terbukanya betapa dia sgt mengambil berat tentang sye sehingga sye sgt sgt sgt sgt sgt yakin sy seorang sje yg ditest dgn soklan-soklan begitu (tu la sibuk ckp kurang fhm).

maaa ne, sbb programing kn. kalau mengaku fhm kang, saket plak ble dy bg soklan susah2, tp ble mengaku x fhm, amek kau, lunyai 2 jam diasaknye. haha. 

tapi entah, sye x sedih pun arini (sperti selalunya sy akn ngis ble blik lab programming). dlm hati ni xto la rse marah ke sedih ke gumbira ke. erk, mungkin gumbira. haha.

ye la, bkn senang nk cri org yg betul-betul ambil berat n fokus seratus peratus kt kite mse kelas kn? hehe.

terima kasih incik TA. semoga tidak jemu melayan sye utk 2 minggu seterusnya ye.

dan terima kasih Tuhan, alhamdulillah kerana adanya TA tu untuk sye.

-ok, pegi wat kadai sejemput, then stdy. ganbare cik wawa!-