syndrom rungsing

i know i'm a freak.

semakin lama semakin mem'freak'kan dri sndri. homaigadddd.

leeteuk, donghae, kyuhyun, sungmin, eunhyuk, yesung, siwon, shindong, ryeowook, kangin, heechul, kibum.

seee, sy bleh sebut sorang-sorang name ahli super junior da skrg...hooomaigadd. 

once upon a time, bilamana intenet rumah sy b'mslh, haruslah dipanggil uncle2 tachi yg hebat2 supaya dtg menyelamatkan keadaan, betul x? dan disebabkan ketika waktu kejadian sy sedang ralit dan b'semangat b'sembang dgn kawan sy yg dtg b'tandang ke rumah, makanya tanpa sedar sy terbiarkan pasokon sy berkeadaan sebegini

and the awkward moment ble sy t'sedar yg sy TERLUPA nk ubah wallpaper desktop sy tuh, and tanpa sy sempat berbuat apa-apa mereka dah pun mengadap pasokon sy.

saat itu, i was like

ooooemmmmgeeeee...

a total embarrassment. seriously.

tp haruslah sy wat2 cool konon-konon wat-wat xto kan, padahal jantung rse nk meletup tahan rse malu. 

 dlm kepala dok berlari-lari segala macam assumption tentang ape yg pakcek-pakcek ni pk mse tgok desktop sy tu ha. huwaaaaa..ble teringat ni siyes rse nk lari menyorok bawah katil. haha.

sy xd la kelihatan seperti seorang yg sgt freak sgt kan? *cube menenangkan diri sndri* its normal la sebenarnya kalau pempuan letak gmbr artis korea cmni as wallpaper desktop. lgpon sy letak gmb tu sbb yogeun (the baby) tu comel gle tmbh-tmbh ble dy menangis dgn minho (bapak baby tu kgkonon). bukannye sy letak gmbr 2pm badan ketul2 x pki baju tunjuk six pack pun kan? haha!

lelaki letak gmb akb48 berminiskirt as wallpaper mmg tercetus di hati sy lah bliaw hentai, makanya, sy pon tidak haruslah meletakkn gmb 2pm bersix pack tu sbb nnt ad plak lelaki pk sy hentai, desyou? haha.

dan ini wallpaper baru, sopan sikit. dan membantu memotivasikan diri sket, iAllah hopefully.

teringat perbualan dgn inche kawan (seorang gadis jepun tp ber'citarasa' american). dy terkejut tgok wallpaper phone sy. well, salunye wallpaper phone n wallpaper desktop sy same jek. 

and u know what she said?

"kimochi waruiiiii"

sy terdiam sesaat. sesaat jek lah. then membalas,

"desuyone........"

(pasrah mengiyakan)

kemudian kitorang tergelak. 

for her, it is kimochi waruii since ia adalah lelaki asia yg CANTEK, langsung tidak kehenseman mahupun m'punyai ciri-ciri kelelakian yg gagah. she prefers american men much better.

and for me, it is kimochi waruii since terase dri sndri sgt freak berwallpaper sebegitu, as i always think that wallpaper tu selalu m'cerminkan pemiliknya mcm mne. haha. mslh komplikated kendiri.

ahhhh..mungkin segalanya langsung tiada kaitan dgn apa-apa. sekadar mainan dan suka-suka. 

haishh.. yg sy pk teruk pasal wallpaper-wallpaper ni kenapa?

inilah namanya syndrom rungsing malam hujung minggu terperuk dok depan pasokon kt umah.

haihhh..

 p/s- kadang-kadang x paham dgn otak sndri yg salu pk komplikated. huh. 

doktor gigi dan inche bapak.

yeah, my internet is back!

thanks to uncle mat n the team. huahuahua.

anyway, hari ini sangat panjang. seriusly, 

saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaangat panjang.

45 minutes seems like forever for me to lying down there, on that chair. fewww~ next appointment, next Tuesday. homaigadd, even after 3hours (plus plus) lpas dibius, i still cannot feel my upper bibir. hoh, terase hot seperti angelijolie sepanjang hari. heh.

6 months ago, when i first turning in myself to the dentist and i was expecting that i'm having mushiba, the dentist was kind like, 

"eyh no lah, ur gigi seems fine. everything cantek maa. keep on taking good care of ur gigi"

fewwww~

but, then today, after that 6 months, i found myself with no any other option better than surrendering to the dentist, AGAIN, and this time i have to face the reality that i'm having mushibaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

what kind of grown up dewase yg ad mushiba at dis age kn? hoh. i hate those sreett srettt sounds of the mesin gigi, seriously. its kinda psycho!

ok, leave the part of my battling with the dentist, lets move on to the next chapter. eheh.

ahhaa. inilah warga-wargi lab sye. 

yg tengah2 gagah berdiri tu sensei first, sblah dy opkos la his wife. to those yg x penah tau, the one yg standing behind me tu lah my inche bapak. haha. kachakk lagi muda kan? hehe. ini gurauan.

then next sblah dy lg, sensei nombor 3, the muda'est one. then, yg baju merah sebelah sy tu bukanlah ahli lab kami, dy da jadi dai senpai, dtg sje nk m'ceriakn suasana.

hoh~ maji gmb ni x ditangkap dgn baek. dgn efek angin titanic nya, org dok sebok2 nga pukul bola laginye, ktorg sempat plak la kn kyukei jap nk tgkp gmbo. hoh, langsung x dpt background stadium.

anyway, ni gmb mse pegi tgok game baseball last week, dgn budak2 lab. woaaaa~ yappari sy better stay at home than pegi menonton kt stadium, bley naek sawan emosional klo tgok team sndri di ambang kekalahan. naseb baek tema hiroshima menang ritu, even last minute tu cm nk kalah dah. kalo x, pulang dgn air mata kot ktorg sume nih. haha.

dua orang warga indonesia, teman se'lab. spotted, inche bapak di belakang. nk jugk join gmbo.

ni di ambang kemenangan okay, get ready utk melepaskan bebelon carp ke udara. time ni round ketujuh, and hiroshima is leading. n tym ni ramai la jugk yg mula b'ansur pulang sbb sgt kompiden n yakin hiroshima menang. (abaikan dat oily-bley wat goreng ikan-face of mine.uhukss)

but serius, rugi korang blik awal. team lawan mengejut 3 mata tros kt 8th round. terngangalah semua warga hiroshima time tu, termasuklah sy. terasa stadium yg tadinye bising nk mampus jd sunyi sepi. dnga la jugk suara penyokong team lwn yg x smpi pon 1/10 drpd penyokong hiroshima yg dari awal td dok senyap jek. 

walaubagaimanapun, pusingan ke-9, penentu, hirose ap ntah nme pemain tuh, berjaya menyelamatkn keadaan. maka, dgn itu b'akhirlah perlawanan dgn kemenangn mutlak menjadi hak milik hiroshima!

tp, smlm ad game lg, hiroshima vs yakult, kalah boh.

seb bek x tgok.huhu.

anyway, before g tgok game tuh, me and my friend pergi berfoya-foya sebentar mencuci mata menikmati keindahan hari jumaat. eheh. dat's us. hari skolah org sebok belajar n bekerja, we're busy playing around. hoho.

i looked pretty skinny here. naruhodo. illusi optik nih. i'm actually not dis skinny. lemak merata-rata hoii.

x nampk la plak ladang yg penuh bunganya. nmpk mcm ijau jek yg byk kn? ekceli bunga saaangat banyak n lawa, tp, well, salahkn photographer. haha!

horaaa.. kirei desyou? omaigadd.. fokus tang ke mne, blurr tang ke mne. well, blame the photographer! haha!

in conclusion,

last friday was a really good day in my life. even sume orang mule tensen menensen since chukan happyo is around the corner, sume still can spend time together mcm ni. i love everyone in that lab, espc of course la my friends and my inche bapak. but, actually i'm kinda feel bad to the senpai tachi since they're trying hard to talk to me, to be naka yoku with me, but, me, on the other hand, trying to stay away from them. huhuu.. i'm sorry, i'm that kind of person, pretty bad towards new people. 

and that is me!

ehehh, iklan colgate skett. gigi nga sehat lg time ni, bley aa nk tunjuk2.

p/s- aki is coming! my feberet season! hok3.

p/s2- tajuk inche bapak mcm xbpe nk ad kaetan gk la kn..huhuhu..

kokoro ga, karada ga, kimi wo oboeteiru~

mari berjiwang-jiwang sket nak?

whenever i wake up in the morning 
there's only your empty shells beside me

my back which used to feel your warmth, now it's cold

stop bitter smile, open that heavy curtain

it's like playing hide and seek everyday with so bright morning sunshine

your crying face and sunset on you on that day and warm feeling left on my shoulder

every time i wanna forget, my heart and my body still remember you

your love forever

with my eyes closed i'm drawing you, i'm just happy with that

although this season passes with my heart left behind

someday soon, will i be able to feel nothing of you?

or is it going to be good just to fall asleep with this pain?

that day which we cast our wishes on the starry sky

the light we've been seek is going deem and disappearing, but, my heart and my body is glowing by you

i wish forever

with my eyes closed i'm drawing you, that's the only thing i can do

although this season passes with my heart left behind

your love forever

with my eyes closed i'm drawing you, i'm just happy with that

although this season changes its color without me

i'm okay with just finding you in my memory

because the power to overcome this losing is from you

you gave it to me...

ye, lagu ni same dgn lagu kt tepi belog sy ni. tp ni version penyanyi asal, ken hirai. translation dy ad la serba sedikit seperti yg dicoret di atas. uhuk3.first time dnga lagu ni, sebak jek rse jantung. tp x sangka le plak ble tgok lirik dy memang sebak sesungguh. lagu sadis ni namanya.

thank God, we're kind of 'cerai-hidup'. even i lost him, i know he's still alive, breathing healthily somewhere out there on the globe, at least until the moment of which i care. unfortunately, there are still lots of people who's going through a 'cerai-mati' phase. honestly, i can't even imagine how it would be if it was a 'cerai-mati' case for me. must feel hundreds time terrible then, i guess.

anyway, i dunno how others interpret this song, but for me, first time i sang this song with my friend, nantonaku i felt like this song is written by a  husband/bf whose wife/gf had passed away. huk3. sadis kan?

berdoa sgt kt Tuhan, mintak simpang dijauhkan daripada dugaan sebegitu.

tokorode, esok nk g tgok yakyu kt stadium mazda! weeeeee~~hu. fes time kot! :D

k.a.w.a.n

i miss okayama.

n the people in it.

spending great time with great people.

quick peek.hew3.

saiz nak sebesar yang mungkin. hew3.

menaip secara langsung dari bumi okayama. fuuuuh~ harus segera pulang ke tanah air kerana bapak menanti dgn penuh harapan.

ye, sy akn pulang, sabaq naa. huhuu.

mou chotto ganbareba..

bigger expectation, greater disappointment.

the best phrase to describe me right now. wuuuuu~ rse nk mengalir tumpah ayer mata ni dek penangan bapak kesayangan a.k.a sensei. n sy amat pasti sekali, bliaw pon berperasaan sama. terkeciwa dek pe'el sy yg hanya pandai mengangguk dan menggeleng saje. 

sejujurnya, setiap pertanyaan sensei tu, sy adeeeeee jawapan utk kesemuanya. tp, i'm not expecting la bliaw btol2 akn tnye soklan2 sebegitu sbb jawapan yg ada dlm kepala otak sy ni x seberapa nice utk diperdengarkan. makanya, sy perlulah berlaku bijak dgn hanya m'geleng tanda tidak tahu, n m'angguk tanda 'ok, sy akan buat lain'.

contoh.

he's asking me for a new idea, a new reformation for the model, and my mind said 'this is the optimal model and has been used by all the leading conglomerate in the world, so i dun think there's something else for me to add in'

then he said, find any new infirmity in the model? 

and my mind said, 'of course there's nothing perfect in this world, but since this is already a famous model in the business field, i dun think there'll be any other infirmity that no one has ever found before. n IF, if i do happen to find a new one, i think i would have to have my thesis final presentation done in US. not to mention walton family would also have to pay me few bucks since i'm bringing some kaizen opportunity for their wal-mart company' 

x indah sgt kan jawapan2 sy nih?

i remember back then when i am in my first year, one of my 4th year senpai told me this,

'KALAU aku berjaya wat mende ni, boleh dapat noble prize aku'

n sy hanya tergelak, n siap terpk lagi, kompiden baaaaapak cakap besar senpai nih. hehehe. tp dlm ht jek la pk cmtu. tau jek bliaw bergurau kot.

but now i know, what was his real feeling back then. because right now i'm facing the same situation, the same environment, and unfortunately yes, my reaction is just the same like him.

to find or create something new, but with the knowledge that there're lots more cendekiawan atas muka bumi ni yg SUDAH berusaha melakukannya, or SUDAH sedaya upaya meng'optimal'kannya, and to compare your stand and their stand right now, the ability is just like langit and bumi, and u'll end up coming into a conclusion - i can't do any better.

and that is what i said to my sensei - i can't do any better. i can't find any infirmity. i can't think of any other new reformation. i just CAN'T do it.

and muka sensei terus berubah. 

i told u, bigger expectation, greater disappointment.

"muzukashi koto wa yoku shitteru kedo, demo, tashika doko ka ni atarashiku dekiru koto wa nai desuka? watashi mo sou iu tokoro wo kangaeru no wa chikara dasu kedo, hafiza ga wakai node, chikara mo aru shi, motto ii idea wo dasareru koto wo shinjiteimasu" - lebih kurang serbaserbi sebeginilah ayatnya.

(yes i know it is difficult, but, there must be somewhere that might be possible utk diperbaharu right? utk pk mende tu sensei pon akn cube pk kan sekali, tp hafiza kn muda lg, and ad ability, so, i believe u'll come up with a better idea - versi translate ayat keling sket)

sensei yg pandai mengambil hati.

"mou chotto ganbattara ikeru to omoimasu ~" shika ienai. 

ye, sy akan berusaha lebih sikit lagi, that is all that i can say.

sebenarnya, bila difikirkan balik sedalam-dalamnya, task sy tidaklah sesusah orang laen yg perlu berjikken pagi ke malam, then dpt result yg x menyenangkan then esok kne repeat the same thing and perkara tu berulang lah smpi berminggu-minggu, ye, tidak sepayah itu. kerana Tuhan tahu, seandainya sy diuji sebegitu, tidaklah termampu dek jiwa ini untuk menanggungnya. makanya, diujinya sy dgn level yg sy mampu sahaja

"Allah does not charge a soul except within its capacity..." - [2:286]

so, because He knows i can do it, then i have to do my best to really do it. hehee.

8days to the next zemi, bapak, wait for me aa.

p/s - tahukah anda, kuih bahulu bley mengeras disebabkan minyaknya diserap dek kueh laen yg diletak bercampur bersama dalamnya di dalam satu bekas. T______________________________T

mak, bahulu sume da keras! sobbss.

dear me.

menjalani hari demi hari dgn perasaan 'esok iA akan cuba menjadi lebih baik'.

it's been almost one week since my return to japan, and until this second i dun even know what the heck am i doing with my time here. i've got few tasks to do for my final year project, and it is pretty critical since i have to restart from zero because the previous results showed 'something that have no future' (believe me or not, those mean facts was said by my sensei). so, i dun have any other options except for starting something new which require me to do some extra studies - and that is supposed to be my summer holiday's homework.

yet, since holidays is for HOLIDAYS, for sure la i dun even give a dang to do those homework kn? and haruslah right now i have to face the after effect of not doing them.

and that is the REAL problem right now. 

the zemi is just the day after tomorrow, i'm pretty sure my sensei is putting quite an expectation towards me. yet, if he knew that i did nothing for the task, i dunno what's his reaction would be.

so, i better get prepared, right? at least use this remaining two days to cover all the study that i should have done before.

yep, i have to study.

but, i dun want to do it. yaruki zenzen okin.

just say homesick is the excuse. but for the time being, i dun have any desire to do any majime stuff or think hardly for any serious matter. i just want to do nothing, can i?

and i know the mid-term presentation is just around the corner. thus, it is not a really good decision for me to follow this not-so-wise intuition. but, what can i do? i'm asking myself to giving me a chance just for the moment for me to lazying around and relaxing a lil bit my mind like this, just for a moment. and i'm promising myself, tomorrow i'll be better, and i'll do better.

so, pardon me for being such a bad me.

iAllah, tomorrow will be better.

i promise.

yours sincerely,

dear me.