counting days 2 - i love my lab.

i'm missing the kenkyushitsu life already.

even compared to other laboratories, or other departments, ours can be said as spending the least time in lab, but still, there are times when we're all together staying up late till pass the midnight, running for the deadline and so on.

it was so much fun, and i'm pretty sure, i'm gonna miss them a lot.

after a while since the summer vacation, this is the first time for all of 7 of us were in the lab. our first zentai zemi was around the corner back then, so all of us were kinda nervous and dun really know how to do the presentation and so on.

and that was when we're coming closer to each other. well, since we're doing our final year project on our own, i mean, the experiments, the themes, all are different, so we dun have that much opportunities to talk to each other.

because we are the production system laboratory which almost 90 percents of the idea is about the best profit generated from the minimum time period with the maximum usage of workforce, so, this is what we do when we were given the task to submit 60 copies of our presentation abstracts by combining all 7 of ours into booklet type. kerjasama membawa berkat lah katakan.

our mid term presentation. our lab was the last to present, which was around 4 to 5 o'clock in the evening. so, instead of being nervous, we're all more to become exhausted of waiting.

ahah! same things were done for the final presentation. see, dat tallest guy. i'm always telling my friends that he's sumwhat similar with the big bang's TOP. i know TOP is wayyyyyyyy handsome-er, kakkoi-er, and er er er, but, i just wanna say that their voice type is similar - man deep voice, then, their behavior, i mean from what i see lah, then, their size of course. haha!

not to mention, their eyes ;p

done submitting our abstracts for the final presentation. see, we did everything in jemaah! even one person is enough for submitting those booklets, but we prefer to do it together, and that is why i really love them.

my lab members. spotted that awet muda bapak of mine in the front. phew, genki de ne otousan. 1nenkan hontouni hontouni osewa ni natte orimasu. ima no genjiten dewa hontouwa mada mada owattenainn desuga, tonikaku saki ni yutttoku wa, arigatai kimochi wo tsutaetai.

and also, those 3 kakang-kakang gue, makasih ya bapak bapak sekalian. iAllah panjang usia, kita ketemu lagi ya. saya menunggu bapak2 ke Malaysia, iA i'd give u all my warm welcome.

me and tasshi. everyone know that we're both workaholic (i can't really comment on this), and we spend much of our time together in the lab. even since my first year here, i already know that me and tasshi can really get together well, because there are some certain things similar within us. when it comes to study, we talk the same words. we compete in silence but we both know that we're competing each other. when we talk about future things, our ideas and our imaginations match really well. she's gonna walk the way i'd walk, i'm gonna take the path she'd take. i like her, she is really one of a kind.

eyh, but i do love my other friends too. hehehe, minna, daisuki dayo!

dandan samishikunattekita ne. 

i went to lab today, to edit my thesis and see my sensei, but only tasshi there. she came to print something. and then, there're only two of us, from seven of undergrad students. we both talked about the pertemuan and perpisahan. haih.. how time flies..

i'm gonna end the entry just like this. because i'm getting sadder and sadder as i'm typing this entry.

sore jya!

graduation trip yeww

1 march 2013, 29 hari lagi bakal berubah tempat kaki bermastautin.

oh mai goddddd.. betapa pantasnya masa berlalu.

dan betapa beratnya hati ni nk meninggalkan bumi japang nih.

adeyh, xnk pk.

anyway, me and my beloved friends went for graduation trip few days ago. it was sooo dang awesome! i bet  i lost few kilos for the mountain climbing and so on, yet, due to my big appetite, unfortunately i've got few kilos plus plak gyakuni. bluerghhhh. whatever, it's not like i'm overweight or what, my bmi is still normal though. *menyedapkan diri sendiri*

our last trip together i guess. excited all over since from the early morning. shinkansen from mihara to osaka, then rented car from osaka.

wakayama, here we come!

first day, enjoying the sunset view at white sand beach. it is white, seriously no joke.

our first night in super duper cute hostel. it was very cozy, first class service, washlet of course, the scenery was superb!

second day, pendakian pertama. ketahuilah, perjalanan itu sememangnya masih jauh. masih jaaaaaaaaauh.

this is only the beginning.

kumado. i think kumado is jalan yg batu2 mcm tuh, mse x hujan, it was fun lah, ble da hujan, kasut terslip sket, mmg tergolekmolek lah ke bawah.

well, that uncle had done his best capturing our picture, so i have to say, yea dis pic is pretty nice. huhuh.

sy yg kelihatan sebegitu tinggi sekali. perghh. ni muke bahagie setelah bergadai nyawa 2 jam adrenalin mengalir deras meredah gunung ganang yg jalannye berkeluasan hanyalah sekangkang kera, ditambah buruk keadaan lori besaq dok lalu lalang menyebabkn kereta kami seringkali hampir tercampak ke lurah gunung gaung setiap kali berselisih. hadeyy. nk describe mcm mne perasaannye pon payah.

tp pulang dri tmpt ni, kami semua belajar baaanyak perkara.

pertama, terowong jalan perlu dihargai. 20 minit perjalanan jd 2jam perjalanan memusing gunung dek kerana terowong xley pakai akibat ad runtuhan.

kedua, jalan lebar saaaangat bermakna. 

ketiga, muafakat membawa berkat. org kiri dok jaga balance kiri, org kanan dok jaga balance kete kanan, org blakang dok tenung tym nk reverse2 tym selisih kete dri depan.

keempat, hidup perlu maju ke depan. signboard sblom jalan msok gunung, 'once masok xley patah balik' - lebih kurg mcm ni lah bunyinya. tashikani, mmg lgsg xd ruang utk kami patah balik. 

kelima, kata2 semangat itu penting. my friend yg drive keep kate, 'oh penat, oh impossible, oh i can't do dis' n siyesly keadaan agk tense tmbh2 ble hujan turun. tp, dgn wujudnya kami berlima yg setiap minit dok ckp 'ganbare emi cang, ganbare, mou chotto da yo, mou sugu tsuku yo' n bla2, alhmdlh, we made it!

keenam, something yg not easy utk kte achieve, yappari nilainya saangatlah besar. habis- habisan ktorg sugosu jikan kt cni dek kerana begitu lelahnye nk smpi ke cni. haha.

ok, enuff menaip.

dan inilah tempatnya. haha! world heritage kot nih. ia sebenarnya hanyalah jalan kecik di atas puncak gunung, and i'm not really sure knp ia jd world heritage sbnonye.

ahhah! photographer nk msok gmbaq jue! third day.

kali ni kembali mendaki dgn kaki, this was actually our 3rd pendakian. and we thought we could finish it.......

penat mendaki jalan x berpenghujung, kyukei sat snap snap.

yet, we gave up. it was endless. dgn kabus tebalnya, hutan banat sebegini, kami sayangkan nyawa kami.

muke bahagia setelah berpenat lelah menapak. posing x paham knpe nk kne wat cmtuh. ceyh.

then, bateri kamera abes. tettttt.

trip kali ni, mata sy seriussssssss segar bugar. meredah hutan banat, gunung ganang, hijau merata alam, subhanallah, indahnya bumi ciptaan Tuhan.

3hari, 40% adelah atas kereta. well, name pon road trip. huewh2. x kesahlah, yg penting mase di spend bersama tuh. huuuuu.

3hari feels like less than one day. cepat betul mse berlalu kan.

last dinner together.
will be missing u guys.

thanks a lot for these meaningful 4 years. suke duke pahit manis kite tempuh bersama. gelak ketawa riang ria juge bersama. ponteng wat jahat pon jemaah bersama. waahh i miss those time!

we'll be meeting again in Malaysia soon. i promise i'll give u all the best annai eva!

love u guys!

xoxo

counting days

the final presentation is over,

was over,

the last two days.

that was me, concluding my presentation.

not as good as i had wanted it to be,

not that bad though.

it was just fine.

and now i'm counting days, not for me for leaving my beloved japan, but for others for leaving me,

oh i hate those feeling.

how i wish we don't have to go anywhere, just need to stay at the same place, doing the same thing we're doing right now. even there'll be time we'll be bored of each other, or maybe perhaps on the things we're doing endlessly the same, but, we just can figure out the solution together.

there're still so much thing to do, so much journey to be traveled, so much fun to be experienced together.

so much.

i'm hating the word goodbye.

why does it have to exist?

we were once young.

we were once young.

and we've grown up together.

great dad to be.

great man to be.

great cooker to be.

great mum to be.

awesome wannabe!

may Allah guide our ways.

may we get what the best for us.

wish d best of luck for the five of us.

Hiroshima University students, batch 2009.

time is over!

ni chenta pertama,

sebelum knal 2pm, jyj, big bang, shinee, super junior, mblaq, dan blah2 yg seangkatan dgnnye.

suatu ketika dlu xske sgt jnis2 yg sume sebok nk menyanyi menari jek ni. oh, dlu lah tp. haha.

ketika saat tegar b'sme band2 sebegini, cnblue dan flumpool (japan) ichibann daisuki!

dan skrg chenta da b'taut kembali. hakss!

lagu-lagu m'gegar kepala dek ketika otak ligat b'pusing stress dipenyek-penyek dek thesis dan segala yg b'kaitan dgnnye.

huuuu.. pray for me please!

seminggu jek lg wawa, gaman shite, seiipppai gambarou!

we're both lucky

i'm lucky to have him as my supervisor.

he's lucky to have me as his student.

'you're working too hard hafiza'

'because you're too kind and follow everything whatever he asks, that's why he can do that'

yesterday, my friend said this to me (as she's trying to comfort me),

'look at me, if sensei said he wants me to do until 100, i only did 10.

then, the next time he pushed me and said, ok lah, let's work hard and just finish it to 50, but still, i did only 30.

and so, finally he said,

ok, enough with 30.

he gives up.

but hafiza,

if sensei said he wants you to do until 100, u'll finish it until 100.

then, the next time sensei will ask for more since he knows u can do it, so 150, and u work hard to reach it.

and then, for the next next time, sensei will ask for 200, and u, muri ni natttemo, muri yari u'll do it.

and, that is why, there will be the next next next time, next and next and next.

endless.

he'll ask for more since he knows u'll try to do them until the end'

i just nodded. somewhat agreeable. as i said before, comparing me and my friends, i have the guts to say that i'm working harder than them.

'because he's too kind. i'm unable to bring out myself to say no. he's doing everything for me. and i guess, he must be tired to handle a foreign student like me.'

yep, seriously, this is my answer. 

i'm always telling my friends and my juniors that i have a really kindhearted sensei, he is like a dad. comparing him to another 2 senseis, i always say to myself that i'm really lucky to have him as my supervisor. he's super understanding, super tolerable, always talk to me in nice tone, he checks my presentation's layout words by words, sometimes he even writes the whole paragraph and asks me to just copy paste since he thinks it must be really hard for me to type in Japanese. in summarize, he's super kind, that's why he is a supervisor. lol. not to mention, my first day sy m'jejakkn kaki ke lab tu utk interview lab, he's the one yg jemput sy duduk tunggu dlm blik dy instead of mingle2 kt koridor mse nga waiting time.

baek bukan?

but then my friend said,

'he's been paid hafiza. it is his job. he has to work as much as he's being paid. and dun u ever think yourself as a burden to him. since he knows u can do it, that's why he had asked u to do more. if he's thinking the bad way, he'd never asked u to continue. he'll give up like my sensei.'

then she laughed.

my dear friend, i'm really appreciating your words and advice. (she's really caring, i swear!)

but u know, i'm being paid too. i got my scholarship, so i think, at least i should do my job properly too. even my scholar is too little to be compared to his salary, he's got much more work to do, much more students to be handled, papers to be marked, meetings to be attended, and bla bla bla.

but me, on the other hand, i just need to focus on my research.

that's all.

haha. but of course easy said than to be done.

kadang2 bile badan penat otak beku memamg hati ni dok m'berontak jugaklah. dok kua la idea2 jahat dri hati yg m'busuk,

but then, sedaya upaya mengingatkan hati,

curik instag ruby! thehe.

dan lagi satu hakikat yg menguatkan hati sy,

Allah x tengok hasil, Allah tengok usaha.

mata manusia giat menilai hasil, tp pandangan Allah lebih menumpu ke usaha.

jd, walaupun penat anda berusaha dan hasilnya tidaklah semengancam usaha anda itu,

pujuklah hati dgn hakikat ini ye!

doakan me plis!

yours sincerely.  

eyh, perlu rephrase ayat atas td,

i'm lucky to have him as my supervisor.

but they said 'he's lucky to have me as his student'.

in conclusion, we're both lucky.

theehee.

words for the day

mental confusion. that is the words for the day.

last entry was about the morning anxiety, the previous one was about the psychology test, and today, it's gonna be about the mental confusion.

okay, it is not really about the mental confusion. it will be more about sadness.

what is sadness?

according to the wikipedia, sadness is emotional pain associated with, or characterized by feelings of disadvantage, loss, despair, helplessness and sorrow. these feelings of certain things are usually negative. when one is sad, people often become less outspoken, less energetic, and emotional. crying is often, but not necessarily an indication of sadness.

crying - that is actually the real word for the day.

i spent half of my day at lab crying today, and for some reasons, i felt really annoyed with myself. 

the problem is not that big (i guess), i just need to add few more simulation experiments which sensei said necessary for my presentation. since my simulations are pretty complex and there are too much of them till the main objective for my experiments is upside down, sensei wants something more firm for my final results.

i just nodded. even when sensei asked for my opinion, i just said,

'ok, let's do that'

even in my head, i am 100% sure, i dun wanna do that simulation again.

first, the software for the simulation is not in my pc anymore.

second, i dun wanna see that spider-web-look model anymore.

third, i have finished 80% writing my english version thesis. 

forth, i'm done with the slide presentation for the rehearsal next week.

fifth, i dun wanna think anymore.

sixth, i want to spend my time on translating the thesis into japanese version.

seventh, i am afraid if by last minute inspection i'd found something wrong with my models.

eighth, i am tired.

ninth, i am sad.

tenth, i have worked so hard.

and albeit for all of those ten reasons, i still couldn't accept the truth that i was crying badly through the evening. even until the end, when i walked home at 8, there's still some tears spilled out of my eyes. the last time i was crying this badly was during the canal treatment few months ago, but that was acceptable since the pain is no joke. 

i guess, it is because i am too tired. 

and comparing myself with the other six students, i have the guts to say that i'm working really hard. yet, why this is happening to me? 

plus the final reason which i think is actually the real reason for my unstoppable tears,

 i am disappointed with my own self.

for the first time in my life, i have found something i have really given my best to, yet, it is not going in my way. perhaps, Allah's way to test hambaNya.

but for now, i really need to rest, or else this swollen eyes would get worse by tomorrow morning. still have meeting with sensei tomorrow, to discuss what i'm going to do since the results for the new simulations (which i barely able to run them this evening as i was fighting back my tears) is not as expected.

please do pray for me.

ya Allah, please ease my way.