mou chotto ganbareba..

bigger expectation, greater disappointment.

the best phrase to describe me right now. wuuuuu~ rse nk mengalir tumpah ayer mata ni dek penangan bapak kesayangan a.k.a sensei. n sy amat pasti sekali, bliaw pon berperasaan sama. terkeciwa dek pe'el sy yg hanya pandai mengangguk dan menggeleng saje. 

sejujurnya, setiap pertanyaan sensei tu, sy adeeeeee jawapan utk kesemuanya. tp, i'm not expecting la bliaw btol2 akn tnye soklan2 sebegitu sbb jawapan yg ada dlm kepala otak sy ni x seberapa nice utk diperdengarkan. makanya, sy perlulah berlaku bijak dgn hanya m'geleng tanda tidak tahu, n m'angguk tanda 'ok, sy akan buat lain'.

contoh.

he's asking me for a new idea, a new reformation for the model, and my mind said 'this is the optimal model and has been used by all the leading conglomerate in the world, so i dun think there's something else for me to add in'

then he said, find any new infirmity in the model? 

and my mind said, 'of course there's nothing perfect in this world, but since this is already a famous model in the business field, i dun think there'll be any other infirmity that no one has ever found before. n IF, if i do happen to find a new one, i think i would have to have my thesis final presentation done in US. not to mention walton family would also have to pay me few bucks since i'm bringing some kaizen opportunity for their wal-mart company' 

x indah sgt kan jawapan2 sy nih?

i remember back then when i am in my first year, one of my 4th year senpai told me this,

'KALAU aku berjaya wat mende ni, boleh dapat noble prize aku'

n sy hanya tergelak, n siap terpk lagi, kompiden baaaaapak cakap besar senpai nih. hehehe. tp dlm ht jek la pk cmtu. tau jek bliaw bergurau kot.

but now i know, what was his real feeling back then. because right now i'm facing the same situation, the same environment, and unfortunately yes, my reaction is just the same like him.

to find or create something new, but with the knowledge that there're lots more cendekiawan atas muka bumi ni yg SUDAH berusaha melakukannya, or SUDAH sedaya upaya meng'optimal'kannya, and to compare your stand and their stand right now, the ability is just like langit and bumi, and u'll end up coming into a conclusion - i can't do any better.

and that is what i said to my sensei - i can't do any better. i can't find any infirmity. i can't think of any other new reformation. i just CAN'T do it.

and muka sensei terus berubah. 

i told u, bigger expectation, greater disappointment.

"muzukashi koto wa yoku shitteru kedo, demo, tashika doko ka ni atarashiku dekiru koto wa nai desuka? watashi mo sou iu tokoro wo kangaeru no wa chikara dasu kedo, hafiza ga wakai node, chikara mo aru shi, motto ii idea wo dasareru koto wo shinjiteimasu" - lebih kurang serbaserbi sebeginilah ayatnya.

(yes i know it is difficult, but, there must be somewhere that might be possible utk diperbaharu right? utk pk mende tu sensei pon akn cube pk kan sekali, tp hafiza kn muda lg, and ad ability, so, i believe u'll come up with a better idea - versi translate ayat keling sket)

sensei yg pandai mengambil hati.

"mou chotto ganbattara ikeru to omoimasu ~" shika ienai. 

ye, sy akan berusaha lebih sikit lagi, that is all that i can say.

sebenarnya, bila difikirkan balik sedalam-dalamnya, task sy tidaklah sesusah orang laen yg perlu berjikken pagi ke malam, then dpt result yg x menyenangkan then esok kne repeat the same thing and perkara tu berulang lah smpi berminggu-minggu, ye, tidak sepayah itu. kerana Tuhan tahu, seandainya sy diuji sebegitu, tidaklah termampu dek jiwa ini untuk menanggungnya. makanya, diujinya sy dgn level yg sy mampu sahaja

"Allah does not charge a soul except within its capacity..." - [2:286]

so, because He knows i can do it, then i have to do my best to really do it. hehee.

8days to the next zemi, bapak, wait for me aa.

p/s - tahukah anda, kuih bahulu bley mengeras disebabkan minyaknya diserap dek kueh laen yg diletak bercampur bersama dalamnya di dalam satu bekas. T______________________________T

mak, bahulu sume da keras! sobbss.