i am not stupid. i am workaholic. so what?

mari merungut tentang kenkyuu.

dua tiga menjak ni da jarang jumpe kgkwn melayu selain inche osmet, jd proses melepaskn stress tu agak kurang. jadi, mari melepaskannya di belog. ehem ehem, wat ayat poyos sket, belog i suke hati i lah. haha.

*terase gedip*

dis week 2 kali zemi, sebagai pengganti 10hari xd zemi haritu. zemi first, sensei saaaaangatlah x berpuas hati as if i were doing nothin. tiada progress yg dy harapkn.

next zemi proceed 2hari selepasnya which was yesterday. i've tried to give my best. sume org kt lab tu pon tau what did i do, seriously memang muke ini yg jd penghuni tetap lab tuh. 5days per week, pagi ke malam. yea, i know, org laen kt dai laen or myb kt lab laen lg lah, smpi weekend pn kne pegi lab, n blik malam tu adalah hal normal. 

but not for us. seriously.

my friend sorang tu, hari ada zemi jek dy dtg lab tunjuk muke. dtg 2jam awal mcm tu, pastu dok skecth2 draft paper nk present kt sensei. n everytime i tnye 'how's the progress?', i'll get d same answer, 

'zenzen susundenai yo~~'

well, org jepun kn. kdg2 mulut jek ckp lgsg xd progress gtu, but then i took a look at her program. serius, memang sebaris pn x bertambah since mid-term presentation hari tu which has been about a month ago.

wanna know the difference?

during this one month, i even have to change my software, start learning it from zero without any books, just online tutorial or something like that, have to transfer my previous model from the previous software to the new software which i have to sketch the model from zero, again. i'm doing the same thing, the same model which i had spent almost one semester to finish, but this time within a month, in fact a week.

'because u have done it before, i dun think u'll have any problem this time' - sensei said as he told me i need to change my software due to the lack of functionality for the previous one. and i just nodded. because, after all, it is for my own sake, and i have already promised myself that i would do my best for the final presentation, which mean, i need to work really hard for the remaining of my final year project.

then, there comes the jinx and some weird people who i dun even know why they do exist in this world.

'u're working too hard. u're stressing yourself too much..'

'ganbari sugi yarou.. yaranakutemo ii yo.. u take it so serious, majime da ne..

u dun have to do dat, u dun have to do dis, n bla bla bla n bla bla bla'

frankly speaking, i really hate this type of people. my most utterly ichiban dai dai dai hated phrase is 

'ganbari sugi yarou~~'

why do they have to co-exist in this world with me in the first place?

why? why do i have to encounter such of that people in my life?

maybe, i have to admit, 

i'm born workaholic.

when i am on something, especially when it is very clear to me that i have to bear any loss or failure if i'm not getting it right, then, i am really giving my hundred percents for it. 

for example, if i have any exams.

it is very very much clear to me that if i fail that exam, or if i can't manage to have good score, good result, i'll have to face the circumstance such as mental disruption (as i can't handle failure that well), or have to repeat the paper, or might be worse, have to face the repeat year risk, n etc. this kind of aftereffect is so much clear even the dumbest person on earth can think of them. so, i'll try my best not to fail. either i want to study harder to decrease my possibility of failure, or i'll just do it on 'lek-lek ah' mode and think about the result later, the choice is all mine.

as i am not stupid, i'll choose to study hard, give it the best, as i dun want to regret it later.

same goes with the kenkyu.

it is all in me, all in my hand. either i want to go to the lab everyday and do the kenkyuu majimeni, wholeheartedly, or just do it so-so, show your face to the sensei once a week, attend lab only for zemi, the choice is all depend on me. i know, maybe, after i grad and i start to work at the company, this my final year project might be nothing to me as well to my work, but, who knows, maybe, through the process of i'm giving my best to do it well, i would get something much more useful for my future. instead of just thinking this fyp as your ticket for your graduation, why not making it more meaningful as an unforgettable stage in your life which teach u lesson to live better?

and that is what i am trying to do. instead of just take it as a ticket for graduate, i want to make it more like my own life for this one year, that's why i need to give it my best. i dun want to look like a fool when people ask me what i am doing within this one year and the thing that i can only say is ' i dunno lah. just spending time buang masa kt lab. i dunno what i am doing. n bla bla bla.'

at least, i want to appreciate my own pride and soul by being able to say

 'oh.. i studied about dis bla bla thing, dat bla bla model, then, bla bla program'

it is not wrong to have such desire right?

after all, life is just like that. all is depend on yourself, either u want to make it so much valuable and something u can be proud of, or else, u leave any space for regret after passing half of your ages, it is all depend on u. 

this kind of mind thinking is so much reminding me of my interview session with the company representatives  during the career fair. they asked me about this kind of thing. the choices.

well, if u are not stupid, then prove it by choosing your path wisely.

kembali kepada topik.

kenkyuu is penat. n bertambah penat bile sensei dok push kite mcm kite xwat ppe, padahal depan mata kite berlambak orang laen yg memang xwat pape. well, think positive, sensei trust kite to do well. so, of course, he'll put extra expectation, and to answer that expectation we have to do it really well according to his pace. 

ganbare wawa! 

actually, u do enjoy this phase of your life kan?

yep, i'm loving it. just, once a while i got tired and that is the time when i need to muntahkan ia di belog ini. hew3.

jya!

minna mo ganbare!