heart heart heart!

it's winter, and my sense of dressing is getting weirder and weirder day by day. aging symptom perhaps, women at their mid 20's might feel this way as well i guess.

or, is it just me?

being paranoid. ohemgeee.

anyway,

nice kan?

because i heart them a lot a lot really lots

4 years of ups and downs, joys and tears, trusts and betrayals, loves and breakups,

we face them all together. 

for all this time, thanks.

wonderful friends of mine, another 3 months to go until the sayonara kotoba.

jya!

n btw, happy new year!

gigi kottt

such a loooooooong day today.

otsukare untuk diri sendiri, dan otsukare untuk mata yg membengkak. why it is bengkak?

"i tot u gado dgn mr.X", 

sapa inche rumet sebaik sy menapak ke dapur (selepas hampir 10minit meraung di dalam bilik). bukanlah meraung sgt, cume esak sedu sedan nye boleh masok klasifikasi meraung lah.

"gado ng mr.X pn i xpenah meraung smpi mcm ni umi", spontan terkeluar jawapan.

 maka, bermulalah sesi penceritaan. tp sebelum tu,

"umi, i x reti nak wat bubur. huhu", sambung teresak-esak. inche rumet yg seakan paham2 tros bwk kuar periuk bagai. dan, teciptalah dis bubur nasik+jagung yg enak lagi lazat.

kelihatan sungguh lazat kan? phewww. memang lazat pon. see, those yellow naisu jagung, penaik selera tuh.

haha. jatuh saham giler smpi bubur pon da xreti nk masak.sebulan sblom kawen nnt i practice ye. hew3.

berbalik kepada cerita, masih ingat gmbr di bwh ini?

supposed to be the end of our 'love'. i mean, me and inche dentist (yg tampan lagi menawan).

but who knows, terselit pulak adek-adek gigi yg memberontak secara senyap. makanya, setelah cuba bertahan utk beberapa hari mengatasi kesakitan yg tiba-tiba datang, tahap kebertahanan sy hari ini smpi ke limitnya. after few tablets of pain killer, finally i'm there, again, satomi dental.

"what's wrong? everything seems fine though," (ok tpu, abg dentist ckp in jepang lah)

"ha ga meccha itakute, yoru mo nemurenai shi, itami dome no kusuri mo nandomo nandomo nondeteta shi, demo, mata, itai desu. sugoku sugoku itai desu. namida deteru hodo itai desu," (ayat eleberet hiper)

"soudesuka. iya, hontouni nanimo nakatta desukedo,"

sudah, salingnya was-was. diketuk-ketuk sana, diketuk-ketuk sini.

"kochi no hou itai?" sy m'geleng.

"kochi ra wa?" sy m'geleng lg.

"kocchi wa dou?" pun sy geleng.

"de, doko ga itai desuka?" abg dentist blur, sy pn blur.

"1jikan mae ni wa chotto itami dome no kusuri wo nondetandesukedo.. ima wa chotto bimyou.." terkerut-kerut dahi sy nk m'explain.

"i think this one yg rosak", kompiden che abg smbil pki besi steel dy tu ketuk-ketuk gigi sy.

"chigau. sore jyanai desu. kocchi no hou desu," keras sy melawan, smbil tunjuk gigi sebelahnya.

"iya.. demo.. soto wa sugoku kirei de, mae mo mou naoshitan deshou? sono toki mushiba ga sonnani ookuwanai to omou.." smbil bebel bebel bebel.

"itai desu.. sugoku," sy mampu balas mcm tu jek.

"soto ga mienai kara, shinkei ga warui jyanai desuka? shinkei ga warui to omou node, jya, shinkei torimashou ka?" 

terase separuh nyawaku hilang. terbayang-bayang lg ngeri previous nye canal tooth treatment, and skrg he's pointing another canal treatment for my tooth. the worst part is, GIGI DEPAN KOTT!!

can u imagine that kesakitan?

plus, he not even sure which one of my tooth yg sakit, me neither, lg lah, lepas diketang-ketang ketuk sana sini, kebas kot dah sume. xmmpu nk rse da gigi mne sbnanye yg saket. tibe2 sume da jd sakit.

"jya, mazu chotto scan shiyo. kono futatsu no bun dake," sy hnye mngangguk tanda setuju. kot salah gigi yg saket kang, x pasal2 gigi x bersalah menjadi korban. dipendekkan citer, selepas di scan pon abg dentist bimyo xjupe kt mne yg rosak. makanya, b'putus asa, terpaksa panggil inche bapak dtg tgokkan.

well, dtgnye inche bapak, pelbagai mesin bliaw angkut sekali utk mengecek gigi mne yg m'berontak. xlupe, sumkind of toothpaste yg mcm sensodyne disapu rata ats gigi sy. n as the result, turn out that one gigi yg sy dok argue dgn inche abg kate saket tu mmg da x rosak pon. d one yg dy point tu yg mmg rosak, sassuga inche abg. n worse come to worst, gigi sebelahnye pon skali da DEAD. 

bygknlah apa perasaan sy saat itu? 2 gigi arnab kt depan ni da disahkan mati. tiada apa yg mmpu dilakukn melainkn canal treatment. urat-urat yg t'libat pon da t'infect sgt teruk smpikn mse dy masokkn jarum gerigi utk buang urat tu, meraung sy kt situ. meraung bkn mulut sje, tgn sekali naik dok bersilat dgn tgn bapak dentist. haih.. even saat menaip ni pon terasa-rasa lagi sakitnye proses canal td.

the obats, this time seems very serious smpi bertambah ubat-ubat sy. mungkin sbb doc tgok sy menangis td kot, makanya dikasinya ubat lebih. hew3. 

"kanarazu chanto nomu!" akak nurse baek ht cube memujuk. malu tu ada, tp dok saket yg x tahan sgt ni, x sempat nk pk dah kau nsem kau x nsem, mnangis xley nk tahan gk. phewwwww~ jatuh lg saham.

kesimpulannya, adik-adik, listerine dan colgate tidak menjamin keselamatan gigi-gigi anda. pelihara gigi-gigi anda sebagaimana anda memelihara nyawa anda. gigimu nyawamu.

sakit gigi tu saket yg paling menyakitkn selepas saket sakaraaatulmaut dan saket ibu bersalin tahu?

makanya, sebelum terlambat, marilah berhenti makan manis-manisan secara overdose. memang, kau makan kek 100kilo pon badan kau x naik, itu naisu thing, tp, gigi-gigi adik-adik tu, yakin dan kompiden mereka tidak memberontak?

makanya, entry pada hari ini, memang berkisar tentang GIGI. see the tajuk laa.. gigi kott. haha

oh, gmbr penutup. (kasi up blik saham2 yg jatuh tuh)

takaya elementary school, 4th year kids. 

saket2 gigi pn sempaaat.

"eyh, sensei ni naru jyanai no? mezurashii desune..kougakubu dattan da..sugoku yokatta desudesukedo, sensei mitai"

org jepang ni, punyeeelah suke memuji utk amek hati smpi kite xtahu pon pujian mereka itu pujian yg wajar diterima ke tidak. tapi, menjenguk dari sekolah ke sekolah, dan dlm keadaan sensei-sensei m'expect kite as someone from kyouiku or sougokagakubu yg mmg same ade suda b'profession as a teacher, or sumone yg mmg mezasu utk m'jd guru, it is really satu penghormatan.

and, i have come to know that, one thing, i do enjoy teaching and spending time with the kids.

secondly, i think that is the best talent in me.

should i be a teacher instead of an engineer?

heee.

cukup naik saham x? x perlu tinggi-tinggi, nanti terjatuh kalo xmati, patah riuk semua.

babai!

i am not stupid. i am workaholic. so what?

mari merungut tentang kenkyuu.

dua tiga menjak ni da jarang jumpe kgkwn melayu selain inche osmet, jd proses melepaskn stress tu agak kurang. jadi, mari melepaskannya di belog. ehem ehem, wat ayat poyos sket, belog i suke hati i lah. haha.

*terase gedip*

dis week 2 kali zemi, sebagai pengganti 10hari xd zemi haritu. zemi first, sensei saaaaangatlah x berpuas hati as if i were doing nothin. tiada progress yg dy harapkn.

next zemi proceed 2hari selepasnya which was yesterday. i've tried to give my best. sume org kt lab tu pon tau what did i do, seriously memang muke ini yg jd penghuni tetap lab tuh. 5days per week, pagi ke malam. yea, i know, org laen kt dai laen or myb kt lab laen lg lah, smpi weekend pn kne pegi lab, n blik malam tu adalah hal normal. 

but not for us. seriously.

my friend sorang tu, hari ada zemi jek dy dtg lab tunjuk muke. dtg 2jam awal mcm tu, pastu dok skecth2 draft paper nk present kt sensei. n everytime i tnye 'how's the progress?', i'll get d same answer, 

'zenzen susundenai yo~~'

well, org jepun kn. kdg2 mulut jek ckp lgsg xd progress gtu, but then i took a look at her program. serius, memang sebaris pn x bertambah since mid-term presentation hari tu which has been about a month ago.

wanna know the difference?

during this one month, i even have to change my software, start learning it from zero without any books, just online tutorial or something like that, have to transfer my previous model from the previous software to the new software which i have to sketch the model from zero, again. i'm doing the same thing, the same model which i had spent almost one semester to finish, but this time within a month, in fact a week.

'because u have done it before, i dun think u'll have any problem this time' - sensei said as he told me i need to change my software due to the lack of functionality for the previous one. and i just nodded. because, after all, it is for my own sake, and i have already promised myself that i would do my best for the final presentation, which mean, i need to work really hard for the remaining of my final year project.

then, there comes the jinx and some weird people who i dun even know why they do exist in this world.

'u're working too hard. u're stressing yourself too much..'

'ganbari sugi yarou.. yaranakutemo ii yo.. u take it so serious, majime da ne..

u dun have to do dat, u dun have to do dis, n bla bla bla n bla bla bla'

frankly speaking, i really hate this type of people. my most utterly ichiban dai dai dai hated phrase is 

'ganbari sugi yarou~~'

why do they have to co-exist in this world with me in the first place?

why? why do i have to encounter such of that people in my life?

maybe, i have to admit, 

i'm born workaholic.

when i am on something, especially when it is very clear to me that i have to bear any loss or failure if i'm not getting it right, then, i am really giving my hundred percents for it. 

for example, if i have any exams.

it is very very much clear to me that if i fail that exam, or if i can't manage to have good score, good result, i'll have to face the circumstance such as mental disruption (as i can't handle failure that well), or have to repeat the paper, or might be worse, have to face the repeat year risk, n etc. this kind of aftereffect is so much clear even the dumbest person on earth can think of them. so, i'll try my best not to fail. either i want to study harder to decrease my possibility of failure, or i'll just do it on 'lek-lek ah' mode and think about the result later, the choice is all mine.

as i am not stupid, i'll choose to study hard, give it the best, as i dun want to regret it later.

same goes with the kenkyu.

it is all in me, all in my hand. either i want to go to the lab everyday and do the kenkyuu majimeni, wholeheartedly, or just do it so-so, show your face to the sensei once a week, attend lab only for zemi, the choice is all depend on me. i know, maybe, after i grad and i start to work at the company, this my final year project might be nothing to me as well to my work, but, who knows, maybe, through the process of i'm giving my best to do it well, i would get something much more useful for my future. instead of just thinking this fyp as your ticket for your graduation, why not making it more meaningful as an unforgettable stage in your life which teach u lesson to live better?

and that is what i am trying to do. instead of just take it as a ticket for graduate, i want to make it more like my own life for this one year, that's why i need to give it my best. i dun want to look like a fool when people ask me what i am doing within this one year and the thing that i can only say is ' i dunno lah. just spending time buang masa kt lab. i dunno what i am doing. n bla bla bla.'

at least, i want to appreciate my own pride and soul by being able to say

 'oh.. i studied about dis bla bla thing, dat bla bla model, then, bla bla program'

it is not wrong to have such desire right?

after all, life is just like that. all is depend on yourself, either u want to make it so much valuable and something u can be proud of, or else, u leave any space for regret after passing half of your ages, it is all depend on u. 

this kind of mind thinking is so much reminding me of my interview session with the company representatives  during the career fair. they asked me about this kind of thing. the choices.

well, if u are not stupid, then prove it by choosing your path wisely.

kembali kepada topik.

kenkyuu is penat. n bertambah penat bile sensei dok push kite mcm kite xwat ppe, padahal depan mata kite berlambak orang laen yg memang xwat pape. well, think positive, sensei trust kite to do well. so, of course, he'll put extra expectation, and to answer that expectation we have to do it really well according to his pace. 

ganbare wawa! 

actually, u do enjoy this phase of your life kan?

yep, i'm loving it. just, once a while i got tired and that is the time when i need to muntahkan ia di belog ini. hew3.

jya!

minna mo ganbare!

blue song~

The Winter's gone and the spring has come

We've withered away

Our hearts are torn from the yesterdays

Im singing my blues

I'm used to the tears, the doubt and the fears That hold me oh

Im singing my blues

I hope you can see

Im loosing my grip on you oh oh

We're looking up into the same old sky except that you and I 

Are further from the place we used to love

I am leaving you with just a word 

Yea It's selfish girl

But I have never been that good with words

Oh this could be the end of our dream

No one can help me

Maybe this is our final scence 

Watch the curtain closing drop down low

to bad now Ive got nothing to show

The moment I met you this I Know

I'd always Let my loving show

But I have lost my way into the blue

And when I close my eyes I pray we'll see it through

I wish that I could feel my cold heart

But We're so far apart, just like the ocean that's between our love

Your type of love is like a trauma 

When all is said and done

Ill dry my tears and think of what we were 

My apathy is all Ive got for now

Nothing gonna hold me down 

I cant take your complicated run around 

And I don't care if you aint there for me now

Cause I got a new sound 

People come and go like downtown

And when the night has come and were underneath the stars

Thinking what went wrong 

Falling asleep alone, but you always know

that even in my dreams I sing this song....

menari-nari lagu ni dalam kepala.

makan mandi tidur jaga, berlari-lari lirik dy dlm otak. hew3. bese lah, bosan sgt, xd mnde serius laen yg nk dipk kn melaenkn kenkyuu, makanya, menerawang sket minda nih.

oh ni bkn versi asal ye. ia hanya dlm korean n nihongo jek, so yg ni cover version punye. 

sume org dok sebok komen ckp auto tune n bla3, tp since i ni bknlah org amek major muzik, jd xpndi la nk komen2 nih. yg penting, sedaaaaaaaap.

cume, suara tang part TOP tu mmg shouganai la xley nk tiru kan. ahakkks.

mampu nk tiru?

hew3.

disember!

hello disember!

siang terbayang-bayang, malam termimpi-mimpi.

eheh.

missing you.

hisashiburi berperasaan begini tgok citer korea.

perlu segera kembali ke realiti, harus segera matikan curiosity, n kne kurangkn sket level emosi.

paaaaaaanjang lg citer ni nk smpi ke penghujungnya.

prasaan sama mcm tym tgok citer fugitive/plan B yg rain dok berlakon dlu.

cume kali ni lebih sadiss n tragis.

ouh i hate korean drama.