Rabu, 8 Disember 2010

i'm not emotional.

have u ever feel like there is time when there is something u really wanna change about yourself, u really really wanna change, but unfortunately, no matter how hard u try, no matter how much determination u put in, u just cant. no matter what, u just cant.

is this being considered as a negative minded ?

i'm quite worried about myself. sometimes, i just cant hold my temper, and i let it 'bumped' into those who aren't supposed to receive it. i didn't mean to hurt them and i'd never have the intention to. yet, i just cant hold it in. i don't know why, but it seems like this bad behavior is somekind sticking with my blood very very tightly. i had tried so many many times to control my bad temper, learnt the way how to hold them properly, but nothings worked.

i'm sorry. that's the last words i could say. enough with the bla bla bla hundreds of stupid reasons like 'i'm too busy, i have too many things to think, i need to do much more important things than this', n etc, but in fact, in the end, i just want to say, i'm sorry. u didn't deserve that temper of mine, yet, i just can't help it. no matter how many times i'd said this typical word 'sorry', n i know u're really tired to hear them, but please, just accept it as i really meant it.

and u know that i don't like the idea of explanation. i don't like to explain, nor being explained.
so, if anything happen, instead of creating too many reasons in order to save myself or at least let people think i'm not at fault, i'll be easy to just say i'm sorry (if the case is i'm the wrong one). but, it will never happen if i'm not, plus that doesn't mean i'm prepared to explain every single thing. this is me. n that is such a bad attitude. yet, all that i could say is just,

despite all this, i'm still working on myself, trying to be a better person which one day u might say, 
' u did well!'
i'm just a normal person, without any supernatural power which possibly turn me into the perfect one. that is not gonna happen no matter how much i wish to. thus, i'm sorry again.

and overall for this entry is just,
i'm sorry.
this is not an emo entry.
i'm not emotional.
of course, i'm not.

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